Our society teaches us to look out for ourselves because no one else will. The attitude of a lot of people is "It's all about me." At a conference I attended the end of July, one of the themes was 'It's not about you.'
After hearing it a number of times, it finally started to sink in. We are intrinsically selfish and independent. We think we have rights to have our own needs met. That is true, but does the problem lie in not knowing the difference between our needs and wants or desires? Another problem could be expecting our needs to be met by people who have no idea how to meet them.
It's complicated. I spent years focusing on myself and trying to achieve my own happiness. When it comes right down to it, focusing on trying to be happy does not bring happiness. Focusing on ourselves does not satisfy - we'll always be disappointed. The times when I actually focused on helping someone else, or just listening to a friend without personal expectations, there was a joy inside of me.
Someone wise once said that we need a goal that is bigger than ourselves. I believe that to be true. When I only focus on me, it gets rather boring. We've all spent time with people who are self-centred - it doesn't take long to realize that it's not that enjoyable! We usually try to avoid them.
I think about my friends and family members who are really interested in me - they listen when I talk - they ask more questions. They sincerely care about me. I love being around them because of how they make me feel. I feel cared for and special.
That is the kind of person I want to be. Someone who is truly interested in what others are saying. Someone who doesn't have to chime in with a story about me! Someone who asks questions. Someone who sincerely cares about the other person. Someone who makes others feel cared for and special. Someone who thinks "It's not about me!" That's the kind of person I want to be. I don't really want to focus on what I want - I want to focus on what others want and need and try to help them. In doing that, my own needs will be met and I will be happy and content - filled with joy! What could be better than that?
Any thoughts?
Monday, August 9, 2010
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5 comments:
How true Betty! I'm always happier when I'm focused on helping others. Whether to lend a hand or listen. Thank you for the reminder! Lana
Thanks for your comment Lana. If everyone was focused on helping others, wouldn't it be a wonderful world?
For so long I felt I've been living a life of personal and emotional confusion, rocking back and forth between an uncomfortable limbo...an awkward balance between focusing on myself or helping others.
I've always been enthusiastically driven, almost selfishly, wanting to create moments of joy for other people. Yet, there was a confusing unrest in me which made me think there must be more to life. The key word for me is 'think' and yet I didn't 'feel' that way. I loved making people smile.
I've always wondered, how could it be that something so grounding and so rewarding, be tainted by some notion of 'thinking life must be better if one is more self-centered'?
With that type of thinking, I lived my life going between the highs of helping and the lows of being self-centered.
I will never understand what it was that made me think life might be better if I gave less of myself. Especially confusing because of the joy I feel when I am more giving of myself.
When I see a smile in someone's eyes, my heart smiles. When I've helped someone feel more comfortable, my own soul is comforted beyond words.
There is no greater joy for me, but for some unknown reason or unworldly force, I felt something must be missing. Maybe today's society has conditioned us to have expectations of personal and daily bliss, achieved only by concentrating on our own happiness...(much like what you talked about Betty.)
Well I am finally ready to let that 'unrest' go. I am tired of feeling some kind of guilt about not living 'my' life. That feeling has robbed me of my own true peace and contentment.
Betty, I have always known that the sweetest moments in my life where 'not about me'.
Yet ironically and almost a contradiction in terms, it turns out that helping others smile is 'about me'.
As you've helped me with life-coaching, I've learned so much about who I am and because of that, I found the strength and ability to 'be who I am meant to be'.
Without life-coaching, I would never have known how to balance my own unrealistic expectations that kept me from experiencing the confidence and joy of just being 'me'. We all have that special way of being 'me'
Reading your blog is just one more cup of caring reassurance that is strength for my soul.
I've learned to listen to my heart and be kind to my soul. I've learned how to put into practice all the things I've learned.
I've learned it's really okay to be 'me' and most importantly, I've learned how to be a 'better & more content 'me'.
So again, I have learned, in a funny contradiction of terms, that 'It IS about me'.
Which delightfully proved to my contentment of well-being, that "It's NOT about me!"
I couldn't be happier.
Thank-you Betty!
Roni
Wow, Roni! What a journey and it looks like you have it figured out!
I'm so glad that you couldn't be happier!
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