IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

Our society teaches us to look out for ourselves because no one else will. The attitude of a lot of people is "It's all about me." At a conference I attended the end of July, one of the themes was 'It's not about you.'

After hearing it a number of times, it finally started to sink in. We are intrinsically selfish and independent. We think we have rights to have our own needs met. That is true, but does the problem lie in not knowing the difference between our needs and wants or desires? Another problem could be expecting our needs to be met by people who have no idea how to meet them.

It's complicated. I spent years focusing on myself and trying to achieve my own happiness. When it comes right down to it, focusing on trying to be happy does not bring happiness. Focusing on ourselves does not satisfy - we'll always be disappointed. The times when I actually focused on helping someone else, or just listening to a friend without personal expectations, there was a joy inside of me.

Someone wise once said that we need a goal that is bigger than ourselves. I believe that to be true. When I only focus on me, it gets rather boring. We've all spent time with people who are self-centred - it doesn't take long to realize that it's not that enjoyable! We usually try to avoid them.

I think about my friends and family members who are really interested in me - they listen when I talk - they ask more questions. They sincerely care about me. I love being around them because of how they make me feel. I feel cared for and special.

That is the kind of person I want to be. Someone who is truly interested in what others are saying. Someone who doesn't have to chime in with a story about me! Someone who asks questions. Someone who sincerely cares about the other person. Someone who makes others feel cared for and special. Someone who thinks "It's not about me!" That's the kind of person I want to be. I don't really want to focus on what I want - I want to focus on what others want and need and try to help them. In doing that, my own needs will be met and I will be happy and content - filled with joy! What could be better than that?

Any thoughts?

FOCUS ON THE POSSIBILITY

There is a subtle disempowerment in a problem – a feeling that all the doors are shut. There’s a weariness and stuckness about it. Simply asking yourself “What’s the possibility we see in this situation?” can make a big difference.

Think of a difficult situation from your past that did not end well. What did you focus on? Now think of a struggle that had a good ending. What did you focus on? What made the difference?

I would venture to suggest that in the second scenario you focused on the solution. You focused on the possibilities.

When we focus on the problem, all we can see is the problem. Our thoughts are negative; we can’t see a way out, we lose hope and give up. The result? ...no solution – only despair.

Our attitude changes when we begin to focus on the solution. We’re expecting a positive ending. We’re looking past the problem and taking steps towards resolving the issue. We feel hopeful and optimistic.

Think of a difficult situation in your life right now. Start focusing on the solution. What are the possibilities? Ask yourself: “What outcome do I want?” Think of some ways you can start moving forward to get the outcome you want. Start by taking some action steps – focus on the solution! You will get a good ending. It will be worth the extra effort you’re putting in – and you’ll feel hopeful and optimistic!

Please leave a comment and tell us the possibilities you see in your struggles – and how you are focusing on the solution.