IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

Our society teaches us to look out for ourselves because no one else will. The attitude of a lot of people is "It's all about me." At a conference I attended the end of July, one of the themes was 'It's not about you.'

After hearing it a number of times, it finally started to sink in. We are intrinsically selfish and independent. We think we have rights to have our own needs met. That is true, but does the problem lie in not knowing the difference between our needs and wants or desires? Another problem could be expecting our needs to be met by people who have no idea how to meet them.

It's complicated. I spent years focusing on myself and trying to achieve my own happiness. When it comes right down to it, focusing on trying to be happy does not bring happiness. Focusing on ourselves does not satisfy - we'll always be disappointed. The times when I actually focused on helping someone else, or just listening to a friend without personal expectations, there was a joy inside of me.

Someone wise once said that we need a goal that is bigger than ourselves. I believe that to be true. When I only focus on me, it gets rather boring. We've all spent time with people who are self-centred - it doesn't take long to realize that it's not that enjoyable! We usually try to avoid them.

I think about my friends and family members who are really interested in me - they listen when I talk - they ask more questions. They sincerely care about me. I love being around them because of how they make me feel. I feel cared for and special.

That is the kind of person I want to be. Someone who is truly interested in what others are saying. Someone who doesn't have to chime in with a story about me! Someone who asks questions. Someone who sincerely cares about the other person. Someone who makes others feel cared for and special. Someone who thinks "It's not about me!" That's the kind of person I want to be. I don't really want to focus on what I want - I want to focus on what others want and need and try to help them. In doing that, my own needs will be met and I will be happy and content - filled with joy! What could be better than that?

Any thoughts?

FOCUS ON THE POSSIBILITY

There is a subtle disempowerment in a problem – a feeling that all the doors are shut. There’s a weariness and stuckness about it. Simply asking yourself “What’s the possibility we see in this situation?” can make a big difference.

Think of a difficult situation from your past that did not end well. What did you focus on? Now think of a struggle that had a good ending. What did you focus on? What made the difference?

I would venture to suggest that in the second scenario you focused on the solution. You focused on the possibilities.

When we focus on the problem, all we can see is the problem. Our thoughts are negative; we can’t see a way out, we lose hope and give up. The result? ...no solution – only despair.

Our attitude changes when we begin to focus on the solution. We’re expecting a positive ending. We’re looking past the problem and taking steps towards resolving the issue. We feel hopeful and optimistic.

Think of a difficult situation in your life right now. Start focusing on the solution. What are the possibilities? Ask yourself: “What outcome do I want?” Think of some ways you can start moving forward to get the outcome you want. Start by taking some action steps – focus on the solution! You will get a good ending. It will be worth the extra effort you’re putting in – and you’ll feel hopeful and optimistic!

Please leave a comment and tell us the possibilities you see in your struggles – and how you are focusing on the solution.

YOU CAN PREDICT YOUR FUTURE!

You probably think you cannot predict your future! But you can - if you pay attention to your thoughts!

Your thoughts cause the feelings you have. Your feelings cause your actions. Your actions cause results. Pay attention to your thoughts today and you’ll know what results you’ll experience tomorrow.

We all know positive, optimistic people. They are usually happy, have good things happen around them, are pretty successful in what they do, have a great attitude about life.

We also know negative, pessimistic people. They see the glass ‘half empty’. They see the negative side of a situation; they get anxious and worried about issues. Being around someone like this drags us down. What kind of results are they producing?

Be aware of your thoughts. You are not a victim of your thoughts. You can control them. You can exercise thought prevention! You can change your thoughts.

Change the thoughts, and you change the person. If today’s thoughts are tomorrow’s actions, what happens when we fill our minds with thoughts of God’s love?

Thoughts cause feelings; feelings cause actions; actions cause results. If you don’t like the result, change your thought, which will change your actions, changing your results. It all starts with a thought.

When you are aware of your thoughts, and change them to be positive and encouraging, you maintain control.

Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.

SILVER LINING

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson


Three days ago, my friend lost her home in a fire! There was smoke – clouds of smoke. Now – the aftermath of that fire and smoke. The fire is gone, the smoke is gone, but the cloud remains in her life.

The cloud of figuring out the details of what to do next!

I’ve known people who’ve lost their homes in a fire, but never have I gone through the emotions with them. This time it’s up close and personal for me. This is a good friend – my business partner! It’s almost like it happened to me!

This morning I woke up thinking that there must be a silver lining in this cloud.

It’s easy to see the cloud and to focus on it, but that won’t get us anywhere. As a coach, I encourage my clients to focus on the solution, not on the problem! If you focus on the problem, you don’t really get anywhere because everything you see is negative.

My coaching practice is about helping people navigate through change, either unwanted change or welcome change. Change is a constant in everyone’s life. Nothing ever stays the same. But most change, if not all, brings with it some clouds. Our challenge is to find the silver lining in those clouds. If we look for it, we’ll find it. Sometimes it takes awhile because we have to get through the cloud to where the silver is visible.

How is my friend finding the silver lining? She is grateful! How can that be, you ask? Well, to begin with, I walked to the burning condo building with her and her husband and they asked the police and firemen to please get their dog out. They were awesome – came out with the dog on a leash. The dog was unscathed. At that point, my friend said, “Nothing else matters.” She realized what was important to her. She had her husband and her dog. The material stuff was replaceable. She was also receiving phone calls from her grown children who were all concerned about their parents. She appreciated the awesome support she had from her family. By the end of the day, she’d received numerous emails and calls from her friends, her co-workers, her church, etc. and realized how they all valued her! She was so grateful for the support surrounding her from her friends and family that she was starting to put everything into perspective!

When I spoke with her last night, she was exhausted – emotionally and mentally. But again, she was surrounded with family and was basking in that.

When I talk to her next, I’ll ask her what the silver lining is. It hasn’t even been 72 hours since the fire, but I’m sure she’ll be able to tell me about the positive things she’s come to appreciate through this ordeal.

It is my honour to dedicate this entry to my friend and ministry/business partner, Karen Van Riesen. I know that she would appreciate your prayers! ...another part of the silver lining!!!