SILVER LINING

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson


Three days ago, my friend lost her home in a fire! There was smoke – clouds of smoke. Now – the aftermath of that fire and smoke. The fire is gone, the smoke is gone, but the cloud remains in her life.

The cloud of figuring out the details of what to do next!

I’ve known people who’ve lost their homes in a fire, but never have I gone through the emotions with them. This time it’s up close and personal for me. This is a good friend – my business partner! It’s almost like it happened to me!

This morning I woke up thinking that there must be a silver lining in this cloud.

It’s easy to see the cloud and to focus on it, but that won’t get us anywhere. As a coach, I encourage my clients to focus on the solution, not on the problem! If you focus on the problem, you don’t really get anywhere because everything you see is negative.

My coaching practice is about helping people navigate through change, either unwanted change or welcome change. Change is a constant in everyone’s life. Nothing ever stays the same. But most change, if not all, brings with it some clouds. Our challenge is to find the silver lining in those clouds. If we look for it, we’ll find it. Sometimes it takes awhile because we have to get through the cloud to where the silver is visible.

How is my friend finding the silver lining? She is grateful! How can that be, you ask? Well, to begin with, I walked to the burning condo building with her and her husband and they asked the police and firemen to please get their dog out. They were awesome – came out with the dog on a leash. The dog was unscathed. At that point, my friend said, “Nothing else matters.” She realized what was important to her. She had her husband and her dog. The material stuff was replaceable. She was also receiving phone calls from her grown children who were all concerned about their parents. She appreciated the awesome support she had from her family. By the end of the day, she’d received numerous emails and calls from her friends, her co-workers, her church, etc. and realized how they all valued her! She was so grateful for the support surrounding her from her friends and family that she was starting to put everything into perspective!

When I spoke with her last night, she was exhausted – emotionally and mentally. But again, she was surrounded with family and was basking in that.

When I talk to her next, I’ll ask her what the silver lining is. It hasn’t even been 72 hours since the fire, but I’m sure she’ll be able to tell me about the positive things she’s come to appreciate through this ordeal.

It is my honour to dedicate this entry to my friend and ministry/business partner, Karen Van Riesen. I know that she would appreciate your prayers! ...another part of the silver lining!!!

LISTENING - WHAT A GIFT!

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”

I don’t know who wrote the above quote, but I sure like it. Are YOU a good listener? Do you know someone who is? Do you have a spouse or friend who is?

What does it mean to listen to someone?

When you have something to share, are excited about something or are having a bad day, you want to talk with a friend, right? Most people do! Others like to retreat and spend time alone, reflecting.

I’m the kind of person who needs someone with whom to share my emotions. When something wonderful has happened, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my joy.

When something terrible has happened to me, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my anger or disappointment.

When I’m feeling sad or downcast, I want someone to talk with. I want someone to share my sadness.

I don’t think I’m much different than most extroverts. We all want someone to be there when we are experiencing the ups and downs of life. The thing we want most is for someone to listen to us. ...really listen to us – without an agenda of what they are going to say as soon as they get an opening. We want them to care about what we are saying – care about us!

The kind of listening I’m talking about is this:
• Listening to someone without saying much....just listening
• Listening without telling your own story
• Listening without offering advice
• Listening with the sole pupose of experiencing what the speaker is experiencing
• Listening, and more listening
• When the person pauses, keep on listening!
• Listen and wait. Don’t fill the space with your own words; the person probably has more to share and needs time to process and get it out.
• It’s all about the other person – not about you.

Who listens like that? Is that what it means to listen?

The next time you are talking to someone, be aware of how they are listening to you. The next time someone is telling you something, be aware of your own listening skills. Try ‘listening’!

Here is an experiment for you to try. When you are in a conversation, listen to the other person without interruption for at least five minutes. When there’s a pause, ask a question to give the other person space to continue. When they are listened to, they will feel that you really care! And we all want to feel cared for!

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”

Perfection or Excellence?

Perfection is being right.
Excellence is willing to be wrong.

Perfection is fear.
Excellence is taking a risk.

Perfection is anger and frustration.
Excellence is powerful.

Perfection is control.
Excellence is spontaneous.

Perfection is judgment.
Excellence is accepting.

Perfection is taking.
Excellence is giving.

Perfection is doubt.
Excellence is confidence.

Perfection is pressure.
Excellence is natural.

Perfection is the destination.
Excellence is the journey.

~Anonymous