She always referred to herself as ‘Mother’. That’s how she signed her cards and notes. Even though I called her ‘Mom’, she was Mother. ...and what a Mother she was!
Last Wednesday we laid her to rest; she is now with her husband, who left us last November. It was hard losing him, but even harder losing her. Did I think she was invincible? Did I think she would always be here? Did I think she would never leave us?
This is Mother’s Day. My own mother passed away eleven years ago in the spring; my mother-in-law passed away a week ago. She was more like a mother than a mother-in-law! I loved that about her – she accepted me into her family and never let go.
There are many adjectives I can think of to describe her: independent, strong, humble, unassuming, compassionate, caring, thoughtful, grateful, organized, efficient, loving, giving, patient, reserved, gentle, positive, devoted, generous, competent, not wasteful, resourceful, practical, self-sacrificing and full of faith in Jesus, her Saviour.
As I think about her this morning, I think about the qualities in her life I would like to emulate. One thing she never (or seldom) did was criticize others. She did not offer advice unless we asked for it. She let us live our lives and supported us, without criticism. She was wonderful about accepting people and not passing judgement. What a rare quality! She never stopped loving, even when we did things that did not line up with her values.
Seldom did anyone hear her complain about anything. I’m sure she had lots to complain about from time to time, but we never heard negative words. She was great about accepting circumstances and rising above them.
I think the quality that stands out for me was her unselfish attitude. She put the needs of others ahead herself. It was most evident in the last few years when Dad’s health was failing. They shared a room in a Seniors’ Manor and he could always depend on her to be there for him. There were many times when she deprived herself from participating in activities, events or outings because she would not leave him behind, even though he would have been in good hands at the home. I doubt if there was a selfish bone in her body!
What am I going to miss? Our telephone conversations ~ her cards ~ her notes written on the back of placemats ~ the envelopes that contained news articles she thought might interest me. (We lived a few thousand miles apart.) I’ll miss dialling the phone and her voice on the other end. I’ll miss visiting her and running errands with her. I’ll miss the way she made me feel valued whenever we talked or spent time together. I’ll miss that she won’t be my kids’ Grandma any longer.
I’m grateful that she gave us all good memories and a wonderful legacy. She was a grand example of a beautiful person who loved and cared for her family and friends. She loved and cared for her husband for 65 years and after he passed away, she couldn’t bear living without him. She went on ahead of us to join her Lord and her husband – and we can look forward to joining her in heaven some day. I love you, Mother!
What quality in your mother's life would you want to emulate?
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
FEEL MORE IN CONTROL
Many people have no idea how they can benefit from having a Life Coach. It is a rather new profession and for many, it's unfamiliar territory. Here is an e-mail I received from a client after a few months of coaching sessions. She had given me permission to use it here, hoping you will be inspired by it! Please leave a comment after you've read it - she'd appreciate that.
Dear Betty,
In coaching you taught me about ways to keep a dream active and alive, such as making a dream board and keeping it visible. Also, by learning how to turn the dream into a goal, plus already seeing the progress, it is inspiring enough to keep the motivation in forward gear.
Putting a time-line in motion is liberating.
Through this process, my husband, too, is learning and we both have been able to appreciate and be more at peace with our lives. Before the dream taking on a life of its own, daily life seemed to be in a whirl-wind of confusing limbo. In other words...out of control. I guess what I am saying is that after all of the coaching I've had with you, I finally realized that being more in control is not at all a life of being bound and restrictive. I now see that taking charge and being more in control is actually giving me a more liberated feeling. I know, at first it seems a contradiction in terms, but it is really quite the opposite, as I've just recently learned. Planning and order result in a life of freedom for the soul because of the peaceful feeling it evokes, not to mention a clearer picture or path. A clearer path in life is so much more relaxed. A crowded and windy path has all sorts of unforeseen twists and turns which don't provide enough time to adjust before the next jog in the road. Relaxing on a windy path is the last thing on one's mind, or in one's life, when each new jog creates nervous anticipation.
The life of a free-spirit is not at all about complacency as I thought.
I've learned my anxiety has come from too many unknowns....not having enough control.
I've learned a better balance in life.
I've learned how to recognize and implement the balancing tools of life.
I've learned how to find and use my own skills and tools......that were right there all along ....almost obvious.....but somehow obscured.
I feel that the job of a Life Coach is to hand out the right key to unlock each new door of peace/freedom/potential/life. Betty, as I write this from the heart, I have realized just how much I have learned and just how far I have come.
Looking back to the beginning and reviewing where I was, is even more motivating. Your life coaching sessions have taught me the tools necessary to balance life, goals and dreams. Teaching me how to begin working on the path towards our 'boat-life' was the catalyst point for developing skills in many other areas of my life. It is definitely about balance...for one thing affects another.....and another...and another....that’s for certain, which makes that another benefit of having a Life Coach. I've learned to appreciate even more, the 'simple pleasures' in life because they are part of the scenery along that nice clear path. The 'simple pleasures' aren't lost among the overgrowth or hairpin turns.
Thank-you Betty....truly....life-coach/friend....such a blessing....
Roni
Dear Betty,
In coaching you taught me about ways to keep a dream active and alive, such as making a dream board and keeping it visible. Also, by learning how to turn the dream into a goal, plus already seeing the progress, it is inspiring enough to keep the motivation in forward gear.
Putting a time-line in motion is liberating.
Through this process, my husband, too, is learning and we both have been able to appreciate and be more at peace with our lives. Before the dream taking on a life of its own, daily life seemed to be in a whirl-wind of confusing limbo. In other words...out of control. I guess what I am saying is that after all of the coaching I've had with you, I finally realized that being more in control is not at all a life of being bound and restrictive. I now see that taking charge and being more in control is actually giving me a more liberated feeling. I know, at first it seems a contradiction in terms, but it is really quite the opposite, as I've just recently learned. Planning and order result in a life of freedom for the soul because of the peaceful feeling it evokes, not to mention a clearer picture or path. A clearer path in life is so much more relaxed. A crowded and windy path has all sorts of unforeseen twists and turns which don't provide enough time to adjust before the next jog in the road. Relaxing on a windy path is the last thing on one's mind, or in one's life, when each new jog creates nervous anticipation.
The life of a free-spirit is not at all about complacency as I thought.
I've learned my anxiety has come from too many unknowns....not having enough control.
I've learned a better balance in life.
I've learned how to recognize and implement the balancing tools of life.
I've learned how to find and use my own skills and tools......that were right there all along ....almost obvious.....but somehow obscured.
I feel that the job of a Life Coach is to hand out the right key to unlock each new door of peace/freedom/potential/life. Betty, as I write this from the heart, I have realized just how much I have learned and just how far I have come.
Looking back to the beginning and reviewing where I was, is even more motivating. Your life coaching sessions have taught me the tools necessary to balance life, goals and dreams. Teaching me how to begin working on the path towards our 'boat-life' was the catalyst point for developing skills in many other areas of my life. It is definitely about balance...for one thing affects another.....and another...and another....that’s for certain, which makes that another benefit of having a Life Coach. I've learned to appreciate even more, the 'simple pleasures' in life because they are part of the scenery along that nice clear path. The 'simple pleasures' aren't lost among the overgrowth or hairpin turns.
Thank-you Betty....truly....life-coach/friend....such a blessing....
Roni
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT?
At an event I attended last week we had to ask each other what we’re passionate about! Often our passion will spring from something that’s happened in our past!
I’m passionate about helping women to develop self-confidence to achieve their goals and follow their dreams. It’s my desire to help women realize that are worthy and have a lot to offer. I want to support them when they go through difficult times in their lives. By helping women to be the best they can be, I’m also helping them to be wonderful mothers so their children do not have to experience what I did. Their children will grow up with a sense of personal self-worth. (I also have a passion for children!)
You’re probably wondering if that springs from something that happened in my past. It sure does! I grew up with a mother who had been sexually and physically abused as a child, but didn’t tell anyone about it until she was 69! Can you believe that? She lived with that ‘secret’ most of her life; she didn’t know how to cope in a healthy way, which affected the way she mothered her seven children. She was not capable of nurturing our personal self-worth.
My upbringing resulted in me feeling unloved, with little self-esteem and no confidence in myself. It has taken me years to realize that I am of value, worthy of being loved, especially by me. I couldn’t appreciate God’s love for me until I was in my 30’s! It took a long time to develop confidence that I could do something worthwhile. I didn’t live out my full potential simply because I didn’t think I could! (Who can identify with me?)
I now use my coaching skills and my love for people to live out my passion of helping others and making a difference in their lives. I absolutely love coaching my clients and watching them develop in their personal lives. It feeds my passion.
Okay – your turn. What is YOUR passion? I’d love to hear from you and so would my readers. Please leave a comment to tell about your passion.
I’m passionate about helping women to develop self-confidence to achieve their goals and follow their dreams. It’s my desire to help women realize that are worthy and have a lot to offer. I want to support them when they go through difficult times in their lives. By helping women to be the best they can be, I’m also helping them to be wonderful mothers so their children do not have to experience what I did. Their children will grow up with a sense of personal self-worth. (I also have a passion for children!)
You’re probably wondering if that springs from something that happened in my past. It sure does! I grew up with a mother who had been sexually and physically abused as a child, but didn’t tell anyone about it until she was 69! Can you believe that? She lived with that ‘secret’ most of her life; she didn’t know how to cope in a healthy way, which affected the way she mothered her seven children. She was not capable of nurturing our personal self-worth.
My upbringing resulted in me feeling unloved, with little self-esteem and no confidence in myself. It has taken me years to realize that I am of value, worthy of being loved, especially by me. I couldn’t appreciate God’s love for me until I was in my 30’s! It took a long time to develop confidence that I could do something worthwhile. I didn’t live out my full potential simply because I didn’t think I could! (Who can identify with me?)
I now use my coaching skills and my love for people to live out my passion of helping others and making a difference in their lives. I absolutely love coaching my clients and watching them develop in their personal lives. It feeds my passion.
Okay – your turn. What is YOUR passion? I’d love to hear from you and so would my readers. Please leave a comment to tell about your passion.
Monday, April 12, 2010
YOU CAN PREDICT YOUR FUTURE!
You probably think you cannot predict your future! But you can - if you pay attention to your thoughts!
Your thoughts cause the feelings you have. Your feelings cause your actions. Your actions cause results. Pay attention to your thoughts today and you’ll know what results you’ll experience tomorrow.
We all know positive, optimistic people. They are usually happy, have good things happen around them, are pretty successful in what they do, have a great attitude about life.
We also know negative, pessimistic people. They see the glass ‘half empty’. They see the negative side of a situation; they get anxious and worried about issues. Being around someone like this drags us down. What kind of results are they producing?
Be aware of your thoughts. You are not a victim of your thoughts. You can control them. You can exercise thought prevention! You can change your thoughts.
Change the thoughts, and you change the person. If today’s thoughts are tomorrow’s actions, what happens when we fill our minds with thoughts of God’s love?
Thoughts cause feelings; feelings cause actions; actions cause results. If you don’t like the result, change your thought, which will change your actions, changing your results. It all starts with a thought.
When you are aware of your thoughts, and change them to be positive and encouraging, you maintain control.
Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.
Your thoughts cause the feelings you have. Your feelings cause your actions. Your actions cause results. Pay attention to your thoughts today and you’ll know what results you’ll experience tomorrow.
We all know positive, optimistic people. They are usually happy, have good things happen around them, are pretty successful in what they do, have a great attitude about life.
We also know negative, pessimistic people. They see the glass ‘half empty’. They see the negative side of a situation; they get anxious and worried about issues. Being around someone like this drags us down. What kind of results are they producing?
Be aware of your thoughts. You are not a victim of your thoughts. You can control them. You can exercise thought prevention! You can change your thoughts.
Change the thoughts, and you change the person. If today’s thoughts are tomorrow’s actions, what happens when we fill our minds with thoughts of God’s love?
Thoughts cause feelings; feelings cause actions; actions cause results. If you don’t like the result, change your thought, which will change your actions, changing your results. It all starts with a thought.
When you are aware of your thoughts, and change them to be positive and encouraging, you maintain control.
Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
SILVER LINING
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson
Three days ago, my friend lost her home in a fire! There was smoke – clouds of smoke. Now – the aftermath of that fire and smoke. The fire is gone, the smoke is gone, but the cloud remains in her life.
The cloud of figuring out the details of what to do next!
I’ve known people who’ve lost their homes in a fire, but never have I gone through the emotions with them. This time it’s up close and personal for me. This is a good friend – my business partner! It’s almost like it happened to me!
This morning I woke up thinking that there must be a silver lining in this cloud.
It’s easy to see the cloud and to focus on it, but that won’t get us anywhere. As a coach, I encourage my clients to focus on the solution, not on the problem! If you focus on the problem, you don’t really get anywhere because everything you see is negative.
My coaching practice is about helping people navigate through change, either unwanted change or welcome change. Change is a constant in everyone’s life. Nothing ever stays the same. But most change, if not all, brings with it some clouds. Our challenge is to find the silver lining in those clouds. If we look for it, we’ll find it. Sometimes it takes awhile because we have to get through the cloud to where the silver is visible.
How is my friend finding the silver lining? She is grateful! How can that be, you ask? Well, to begin with, I walked to the burning condo building with her and her husband and they asked the police and firemen to please get their dog out. They were awesome – came out with the dog on a leash. The dog was unscathed. At that point, my friend said, “Nothing else matters.” She realized what was important to her. She had her husband and her dog. The material stuff was replaceable. She was also receiving phone calls from her grown children who were all concerned about their parents. She appreciated the awesome support she had from her family. By the end of the day, she’d received numerous emails and calls from her friends, her co-workers, her church, etc. and realized how they all valued her! She was so grateful for the support surrounding her from her friends and family that she was starting to put everything into perspective!
When I spoke with her last night, she was exhausted – emotionally and mentally. But again, she was surrounded with family and was basking in that.
When I talk to her next, I’ll ask her what the silver lining is. It hasn’t even been 72 hours since the fire, but I’m sure she’ll be able to tell me about the positive things she’s come to appreciate through this ordeal.
It is my honour to dedicate this entry to my friend and ministry/business partner, Karen Van Riesen. I know that she would appreciate your prayers! ...another part of the silver lining!!!
Three days ago, my friend lost her home in a fire! There was smoke – clouds of smoke. Now – the aftermath of that fire and smoke. The fire is gone, the smoke is gone, but the cloud remains in her life.
The cloud of figuring out the details of what to do next!
I’ve known people who’ve lost their homes in a fire, but never have I gone through the emotions with them. This time it’s up close and personal for me. This is a good friend – my business partner! It’s almost like it happened to me!
This morning I woke up thinking that there must be a silver lining in this cloud.
It’s easy to see the cloud and to focus on it, but that won’t get us anywhere. As a coach, I encourage my clients to focus on the solution, not on the problem! If you focus on the problem, you don’t really get anywhere because everything you see is negative.
My coaching practice is about helping people navigate through change, either unwanted change or welcome change. Change is a constant in everyone’s life. Nothing ever stays the same. But most change, if not all, brings with it some clouds. Our challenge is to find the silver lining in those clouds. If we look for it, we’ll find it. Sometimes it takes awhile because we have to get through the cloud to where the silver is visible.
How is my friend finding the silver lining? She is grateful! How can that be, you ask? Well, to begin with, I walked to the burning condo building with her and her husband and they asked the police and firemen to please get their dog out. They were awesome – came out with the dog on a leash. The dog was unscathed. At that point, my friend said, “Nothing else matters.” She realized what was important to her. She had her husband and her dog. The material stuff was replaceable. She was also receiving phone calls from her grown children who were all concerned about their parents. She appreciated the awesome support she had from her family. By the end of the day, she’d received numerous emails and calls from her friends, her co-workers, her church, etc. and realized how they all valued her! She was so grateful for the support surrounding her from her friends and family that she was starting to put everything into perspective!
When I spoke with her last night, she was exhausted – emotionally and mentally. But again, she was surrounded with family and was basking in that.
When I talk to her next, I’ll ask her what the silver lining is. It hasn’t even been 72 hours since the fire, but I’m sure she’ll be able to tell me about the positive things she’s come to appreciate through this ordeal.
It is my honour to dedicate this entry to my friend and ministry/business partner, Karen Van Riesen. I know that she would appreciate your prayers! ...another part of the silver lining!!!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
LISTENING - WHAT A GIFT!
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
I don’t know who wrote the above quote, but I sure like it. Are YOU a good listener? Do you know someone who is? Do you have a spouse or friend who is?
What does it mean to listen to someone?
When you have something to share, are excited about something or are having a bad day, you want to talk with a friend, right? Most people do! Others like to retreat and spend time alone, reflecting.
I’m the kind of person who needs someone with whom to share my emotions. When something wonderful has happened, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my joy.
When something terrible has happened to me, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my anger or disappointment.
When I’m feeling sad or downcast, I want someone to talk with. I want someone to share my sadness.
I don’t think I’m much different than most extroverts. We all want someone to be there when we are experiencing the ups and downs of life. The thing we want most is for someone to listen to us. ...really listen to us – without an agenda of what they are going to say as soon as they get an opening. We want them to care about what we are saying – care about us!
The kind of listening I’m talking about is this:
• Listening to someone without saying much....just listening
• Listening without telling your own story
• Listening without offering advice
• Listening with the sole pupose of experiencing what the speaker is experiencing
• Listening, and more listening
• When the person pauses, keep on listening!
• Listen and wait. Don’t fill the space with your own words; the person probably has more to share and needs time to process and get it out.
• It’s all about the other person – not about you.
Who listens like that? Is that what it means to listen?
The next time you are talking to someone, be aware of how they are listening to you. The next time someone is telling you something, be aware of your own listening skills. Try ‘listening’!
Here is an experiment for you to try. When you are in a conversation, listen to the other person without interruption for at least five minutes. When there’s a pause, ask a question to give the other person space to continue. When they are listened to, they will feel that you really care! And we all want to feel cared for!
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
I don’t know who wrote the above quote, but I sure like it. Are YOU a good listener? Do you know someone who is? Do you have a spouse or friend who is?
What does it mean to listen to someone?
When you have something to share, are excited about something or are having a bad day, you want to talk with a friend, right? Most people do! Others like to retreat and spend time alone, reflecting.
I’m the kind of person who needs someone with whom to share my emotions. When something wonderful has happened, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my joy.
When something terrible has happened to me, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my anger or disappointment.
When I’m feeling sad or downcast, I want someone to talk with. I want someone to share my sadness.
I don’t think I’m much different than most extroverts. We all want someone to be there when we are experiencing the ups and downs of life. The thing we want most is for someone to listen to us. ...really listen to us – without an agenda of what they are going to say as soon as they get an opening. We want them to care about what we are saying – care about us!
The kind of listening I’m talking about is this:
• Listening to someone without saying much....just listening
• Listening without telling your own story
• Listening without offering advice
• Listening with the sole pupose of experiencing what the speaker is experiencing
• Listening, and more listening
• When the person pauses, keep on listening!
• Listen and wait. Don’t fill the space with your own words; the person probably has more to share and needs time to process and get it out.
• It’s all about the other person – not about you.
Who listens like that? Is that what it means to listen?
The next time you are talking to someone, be aware of how they are listening to you. The next time someone is telling you something, be aware of your own listening skills. Try ‘listening’!
Here is an experiment for you to try. When you are in a conversation, listen to the other person without interruption for at least five minutes. When there’s a pause, ask a question to give the other person space to continue. When they are listened to, they will feel that you really care! And we all want to feel cared for!
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Perfection or Excellence?
Perfection is being right.
Excellence is willing to be wrong.
Perfection is fear.
Excellence is taking a risk.
Perfection is anger and frustration.
Excellence is powerful.
Perfection is control.
Excellence is spontaneous.
Perfection is judgment.
Excellence is accepting.
Perfection is taking.
Excellence is giving.
Perfection is doubt.
Excellence is confidence.
Perfection is pressure.
Excellence is natural.
Perfection is the destination.
Excellence is the journey.
~Anonymous
Excellence is willing to be wrong.
Perfection is fear.
Excellence is taking a risk.
Perfection is anger and frustration.
Excellence is powerful.
Perfection is control.
Excellence is spontaneous.
Perfection is judgment.
Excellence is accepting.
Perfection is taking.
Excellence is giving.
Perfection is doubt.
Excellence is confidence.
Perfection is pressure.
Excellence is natural.
Perfection is the destination.
Excellence is the journey.
~Anonymous
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