Last Tuesday morning I woke up to - 29 degrees in Calgary and reports of icy roads, traffic jams, transit problems, and wind chill temperatures of -35. I got up, showered, poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down on my couch. The nicest thing about the morning was that I did not have to go out that day. I live on the 14th floor and the view from my couch is the skyline of Calgary. My condo was toasty warm, and as I sat looking out the window, I felt very peaceful. I was thankful that I didn’t have to go out into the cold. Why didn't I have to go out? ...because I was working from home that day!
Reflecting on my life that morning, I realized that I am living my dream! I have my own business, am my own boss, can schedule my own appointments AND I do not have someone else controlling my life. It was an 'aha' moment. When you have your own business, it doesn't always feel like a dream when you’re having to put in some 20 hour days and have deadlines to meet. But times like Tuesday morning when I could take time to relax with a cup of coffee, watch the Calgary winter from my cozy living room, listen to reports of the cold temperatures and numerous car crashes, it definitely felt like a dream.
Dreams don’t come easy – they’re hard work, but they are definitely worth it!
What is YOUR dream? What choices are you making today to move you toward that dream? Please leave a comment and share your dream - and tell us one small step you're going to take to help you realize it.
Betty
http://www.bettygood.ca/
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Self Doubt or Self Talk
In the last entry I posted part of an article by Brian Tracy about goal setting and the obstacles of achieving our goals. He stated that the two major obstacles to achievement are fear and self-doubt.
I can totally attest to that statement! In the past when I’ve thought about some goals I’ve wanted to accomplish, my own thoughts of self-doubt or fear would take over. For example, when I returned from Japan a few years ago, my plan was to write a book about my four-year experience living with a Japanese family and being submersed in that culture. I even had my material written out; it just needed some tweaking. I never wrote that book! Why not?
My own thoughts took over and I didn’t try to change them. My thinking went something like this: Who would buy my book? Who would be interested in reading about MY experiences? What if people laugh at me? Who do I think I am, trying to write a book and market it? What if my marketing doesn’t work? What if....? What if...?
Looking back, how silly I was! What was I afraid of? Why did I have so much self-doubt? What could I have done differently?
One problem was that I was listening to others. When I told someone about my plan, if they weren’t excited about it like I was, I interpreted that into: See, who do you think you are, wanting to write a book? No one is really interested in what you have to say. Self-doubt definitely crept in. And I believed it! Then fear took over and I didn’t do anything.
I should have listened to my heart, not my head. From what I’ve learned about coaching since then, I realize that a coach would have been a good solution – kept me thinking ‘right’ thoughts, focused on believing in myself, helped me overcome my fear. I should have surrounded myself with positive people who believed in me. I should have...!
Here I am – four and a half years later – still no book. But I have achieved a lot of other things since then. I have learned a lot about myself and my fears and self-doubt. I have learned that I need to take control of the thoughts that enter my mind and change them to positive and encouraging ones. (I don’t always practise what I’ve learned, but when I do it makes a huge difference.)
Are you struggling with fear and self-doubt? Are you willing to change those negative thoughts that enter your mind uninvited? It isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. I wrote an article last April about changing your thoughts. This is a good reminder for me. I’m not writing a book about Japan, but I have a list of goals I want to achieve. I have to continually be aware of my thoughts and how they are affecting me. I cannot afford to give way to fear – it’s not a healthy emotion. I must also dismiss negative thoughts as they enter my head and replace them with positive thoughts. The effort is well worth it. I am worth it!
How about you? What are you struggling with? It all starts in your mind – with your thoughts! Start changing those negative ones into positive ones and you will notice a difference. You are worth it!
Please leave a comment to help the rest of us learn more about this topic.
I can totally attest to that statement! In the past when I’ve thought about some goals I’ve wanted to accomplish, my own thoughts of self-doubt or fear would take over. For example, when I returned from Japan a few years ago, my plan was to write a book about my four-year experience living with a Japanese family and being submersed in that culture. I even had my material written out; it just needed some tweaking. I never wrote that book! Why not?
My own thoughts took over and I didn’t try to change them. My thinking went something like this: Who would buy my book? Who would be interested in reading about MY experiences? What if people laugh at me? Who do I think I am, trying to write a book and market it? What if my marketing doesn’t work? What if....? What if...?
Looking back, how silly I was! What was I afraid of? Why did I have so much self-doubt? What could I have done differently?
One problem was that I was listening to others. When I told someone about my plan, if they weren’t excited about it like I was, I interpreted that into: See, who do you think you are, wanting to write a book? No one is really interested in what you have to say. Self-doubt definitely crept in. And I believed it! Then fear took over and I didn’t do anything.
I should have listened to my heart, not my head. From what I’ve learned about coaching since then, I realize that a coach would have been a good solution – kept me thinking ‘right’ thoughts, focused on believing in myself, helped me overcome my fear. I should have surrounded myself with positive people who believed in me. I should have...!
Here I am – four and a half years later – still no book. But I have achieved a lot of other things since then. I have learned a lot about myself and my fears and self-doubt. I have learned that I need to take control of the thoughts that enter my mind and change them to positive and encouraging ones. (I don’t always practise what I’ve learned, but when I do it makes a huge difference.)
Are you struggling with fear and self-doubt? Are you willing to change those negative thoughts that enter your mind uninvited? It isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. I wrote an article last April about changing your thoughts. This is a good reminder for me. I’m not writing a book about Japan, but I have a list of goals I want to achieve. I have to continually be aware of my thoughts and how they are affecting me. I cannot afford to give way to fear – it’s not a healthy emotion. I must also dismiss negative thoughts as they enter my head and replace them with positive thoughts. The effort is well worth it. I am worth it!
How about you? What are you struggling with? It all starts in your mind – with your thoughts! Start changing those negative ones into positive ones and you will notice a difference. You are worth it!
Please leave a comment to help the rest of us learn more about this topic.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
MAJOR OBSTACLES TO ACHIEVEMENT
Why do we keep setting goals and failing to see them through to fruition?
I came across an article in Success Magazine that talked about goal setting. The above question caught my attention and I could hardly wait to see what the answer was. Brian Tracy gave the following answer:
Most people give up before they even make the first try. And the reason they give up is because of all the obstacles, difficulties, problems and roadblocks that immediately appear as soon as they decide to do something they have never done before. The fact is that successful people fail far more often than unsuccessful people. Successful people try more things, fall down, pick themselves up and try again—over and over before they finally win.
The two major obstacles to achievement are fear and self-doubt. The fear of failure, poverty, loss, embarrassment or rejection holds most people back from trying in the first place. Small fears overwhelm them and, like a bucket of water on a small fi re, extinguish their desire completely.
The second mental obstacle, closely aligned to fear, is self-doubt. We doubt our own abilities. We compare ourselves unfavorably to others and think that others are somehow better, smarter and more competent than we are. We think, I’m not good enough. We feel inadequate and inferior to the challenges of achieving the great goals that we so want to accomplish. If there is anything good about doubt and fear, it is that they are learned emotions. And whatever has been learned can be unlearned through practice and repetition.
Now that I know what the obstacles are, I can do something about them! ...but only if I choose to.
I'll continue along this theme next time. Do you have any questions you'd like addressed?
Please leave a comment about what keeps you from seeing your goals through to fruition.
I came across an article in Success Magazine that talked about goal setting. The above question caught my attention and I could hardly wait to see what the answer was. Brian Tracy gave the following answer:
Most people give up before they even make the first try. And the reason they give up is because of all the obstacles, difficulties, problems and roadblocks that immediately appear as soon as they decide to do something they have never done before. The fact is that successful people fail far more often than unsuccessful people. Successful people try more things, fall down, pick themselves up and try again—over and over before they finally win.
The two major obstacles to achievement are fear and self-doubt. The fear of failure, poverty, loss, embarrassment or rejection holds most people back from trying in the first place. Small fears overwhelm them and, like a bucket of water on a small fi re, extinguish their desire completely.
The second mental obstacle, closely aligned to fear, is self-doubt. We doubt our own abilities. We compare ourselves unfavorably to others and think that others are somehow better, smarter and more competent than we are. We think, I’m not good enough. We feel inadequate and inferior to the challenges of achieving the great goals that we so want to accomplish. If there is anything good about doubt and fear, it is that they are learned emotions. And whatever has been learned can be unlearned through practice and repetition.
Now that I know what the obstacles are, I can do something about them! ...but only if I choose to.
I'll continue along this theme next time. Do you have any questions you'd like addressed?
Please leave a comment about what keeps you from seeing your goals through to fruition.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
What's a Coaching Group???
Last week, after I invited you to become part of my Achieve Your Goals Coaching Group, people started asking me for more information.
In this coaching group, here is how you will benefit:
• Create goals to make changes
• Communicate your goal to the group
• Get ongoing support of the group to keep you on track
• Share weekly action steps and progress
• Profit from accountability partners
• Share courage, strength and hope
• Express struggles and disappointments
• Be motivated and inspired
• Become empowered
• Receive ongoing motivation
• Have me coach you individually as the need arises
• Benefit from listening to others being coached
• Be successful in achieving your goal
Hopefully this helps you to understand how you can make changes in the next three months. The thought of that excites me - how about you?
If you are interested, please email me: bettygood@shaw.ca
In this coaching group, here is how you will benefit:
• Create goals to make changes
• Communicate your goal to the group
• Get ongoing support of the group to keep you on track
• Share weekly action steps and progress
• Profit from accountability partners
• Share courage, strength and hope
• Express struggles and disappointments
• Be motivated and inspired
• Become empowered
• Receive ongoing motivation
• Have me coach you individually as the need arises
• Benefit from listening to others being coached
• Be successful in achieving your goal
Hopefully this helps you to understand how you can make changes in the next three months. The thought of that excites me - how about you?
If you are interested, please email me: bettygood@shaw.ca
Monday, September 13, 2010
ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS COACHING GROUP
Do you have something you want to achieve, a deadline to meet, weight to lose, a habit to change, a change to make, a skill to improve, a project to start, a project to finish?
If so, I’d like to invite you to join a new coaching group starting next month. The group will be meeting by phone, so location is not an issue. This group is being offered at a special introductory rate.
If so, I’d like to invite you to join a new coaching group starting next month. The group will be meeting by phone, so location is not an issue. This group is being offered at a special introductory rate.
By joining this coaching group, you can achieve more than you could ever do alone!
Tuesdays, October 19 – January 25
(excluding Christmas holidays)
7 – 8 p.m. (Mountain Time)
By phone
Maximum 5 people
Register by email or phone
bettygood@shaw.ca ~ 403-774-8697
Registration deadline Sept. 30
SPECIAL OFFER
13 sessions ~ $300.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
LIVING YOUR POTENTIAL
How often do others think we should do something, but for whatever reason, we don’t do it? We might think it’s a good idea, but either don’t have the desire or the confidence!
Lately I’ve been thinking about people in general, and some specifically – how most people do not live up to their potential! There are so many things standing in their way! Can you imagine what this world would be like if everyone lived to their potential, followed their dreams and passions, and lived a full life? Wow – I don’t think I can even imagine what that would be like!!!
I can hardly imagine what MY life would have been like if I had done that. I have had so many dreams and wishes in my life – gone unfulfilled. And here I am, I the last half of my life, finally following my dream! ...finally having the confidence to believe in myself! Even yet, I sometimes get tired and wish I didn’t have to work so hard! Reaching your dreams is actually hard work – maybe that’s one reason more people don’t do it. hmmm...
I wonder what other reasons people have for not following their dreams or living to their potential. I had a client who told me that he has done a lot of things, but he really wanted to be ‘an expert’ at something. He felt like he never lived up to his potential. He said when things got hard, he’d quit. That sounds like me in the past too! I wonder why? Why do we quit so easily?
We actually do have many opportunities and options. Why do so many of us settle for something that is less than satisfying? Are we so content with our lives to the point that we don’t dream anymore? Maybe we’re lazy! I doubt that! Are we just not motivated? I don’t think that’s true either. When someone is following their heart or dream, they get really motivated. Motivation creates energy – so we wouldn’t be lazy.
So – what’s the reason? Is it lack of self-confidence? Is it lack of belief in oneself? I think maybe that is what it was for me. I remember a school principal I taught for who had a lot of confidence in me. Because I didn’t really believe that I was capable of what he thought I could do, I didn’t pursue his suggestions or take advantage of those opportunities. What a waste! How many wasted opportunities have we experienced?
I feel like I’ve rambled – I let you into my mind and my thoughts. Truly – what is the reason more people don’t follow their dreams, don’t live their passion? Why are people content with a mediocre lifestyle when life has so much more to offer? Why?
Lately I’ve been thinking about people in general, and some specifically – how most people do not live up to their potential! There are so many things standing in their way! Can you imagine what this world would be like if everyone lived to their potential, followed their dreams and passions, and lived a full life? Wow – I don’t think I can even imagine what that would be like!!!
I can hardly imagine what MY life would have been like if I had done that. I have had so many dreams and wishes in my life – gone unfulfilled. And here I am, I the last half of my life, finally following my dream! ...finally having the confidence to believe in myself! Even yet, I sometimes get tired and wish I didn’t have to work so hard! Reaching your dreams is actually hard work – maybe that’s one reason more people don’t do it. hmmm...
I wonder what other reasons people have for not following their dreams or living to their potential. I had a client who told me that he has done a lot of things, but he really wanted to be ‘an expert’ at something. He felt like he never lived up to his potential. He said when things got hard, he’d quit. That sounds like me in the past too! I wonder why? Why do we quit so easily?
We actually do have many opportunities and options. Why do so many of us settle for something that is less than satisfying? Are we so content with our lives to the point that we don’t dream anymore? Maybe we’re lazy! I doubt that! Are we just not motivated? I don’t think that’s true either. When someone is following their heart or dream, they get really motivated. Motivation creates energy – so we wouldn’t be lazy.
So – what’s the reason? Is it lack of self-confidence? Is it lack of belief in oneself? I think maybe that is what it was for me. I remember a school principal I taught for who had a lot of confidence in me. Because I didn’t really believe that I was capable of what he thought I could do, I didn’t pursue his suggestions or take advantage of those opportunities. What a waste! How many wasted opportunities have we experienced?
I feel like I’ve rambled – I let you into my mind and my thoughts. Truly – what is the reason more people don’t follow their dreams, don’t live their passion? Why are people content with a mediocre lifestyle when life has so much more to offer? Why?
Thursday, August 26, 2010
COACHING versus THERAPY
People often ask me the difference between coaching and counselling or therapy. I have a friend who is a psychotherapist and a coach. She told me she prefers coaching over therapy and I asked her to explain the difference.
Here is what she told me:
In psychotherapy, the clients are in emotional pain and they need help to heal. People express their feelings about the past in the process. The sessions are held in person, in controlled settings at a certain time, typically once weekly for 45 – 60 minutes. The psychotherapist is the mental health expert and makes treatment recommendations, unlike the coach who is a partner with their client.
In coaching, the clients are doing well and looking to make a change. In the initial phase of coaching the agenda is co-created and goals are established. The goals could include upgrading their job, starting or expanding a business, life transitions, re-inventing themselves, changing a habit, etc. In coaching it is not about the past, but about the present and future. It is about where they are now and where they want to be. The sessions are flexible – in person or by phone; the length of the sessions vary from 30 to 60 minutes. Clients like the accountability factor to keep them on track as well.
If you have any comments to help clarify the difference, we’d like to hear them.
Here is what she told me:
In psychotherapy, the clients are in emotional pain and they need help to heal. People express their feelings about the past in the process. The sessions are held in person, in controlled settings at a certain time, typically once weekly for 45 – 60 minutes. The psychotherapist is the mental health expert and makes treatment recommendations, unlike the coach who is a partner with their client.
In coaching, the clients are doing well and looking to make a change. In the initial phase of coaching the agenda is co-created and goals are established. The goals could include upgrading their job, starting or expanding a business, life transitions, re-inventing themselves, changing a habit, etc. In coaching it is not about the past, but about the present and future. It is about where they are now and where they want to be. The sessions are flexible – in person or by phone; the length of the sessions vary from 30 to 60 minutes. Clients like the accountability factor to keep them on track as well.
If you have any comments to help clarify the difference, we’d like to hear them.
Monday, August 9, 2010
IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!
Our society teaches us to look out for ourselves because no one else will. The attitude of a lot of people is "It's all about me." At a conference I attended the end of July, one of the themes was 'It's not about you.'
After hearing it a number of times, it finally started to sink in. We are intrinsically selfish and independent. We think we have rights to have our own needs met. That is true, but does the problem lie in not knowing the difference between our needs and wants or desires? Another problem could be expecting our needs to be met by people who have no idea how to meet them.
It's complicated. I spent years focusing on myself and trying to achieve my own happiness. When it comes right down to it, focusing on trying to be happy does not bring happiness. Focusing on ourselves does not satisfy - we'll always be disappointed. The times when I actually focused on helping someone else, or just listening to a friend without personal expectations, there was a joy inside of me.
Someone wise once said that we need a goal that is bigger than ourselves. I believe that to be true. When I only focus on me, it gets rather boring. We've all spent time with people who are self-centred - it doesn't take long to realize that it's not that enjoyable! We usually try to avoid them.
I think about my friends and family members who are really interested in me - they listen when I talk - they ask more questions. They sincerely care about me. I love being around them because of how they make me feel. I feel cared for and special.
That is the kind of person I want to be. Someone who is truly interested in what others are saying. Someone who doesn't have to chime in with a story about me! Someone who asks questions. Someone who sincerely cares about the other person. Someone who makes others feel cared for and special. Someone who thinks "It's not about me!" That's the kind of person I want to be. I don't really want to focus on what I want - I want to focus on what others want and need and try to help them. In doing that, my own needs will be met and I will be happy and content - filled with joy! What could be better than that?
Any thoughts?
After hearing it a number of times, it finally started to sink in. We are intrinsically selfish and independent. We think we have rights to have our own needs met. That is true, but does the problem lie in not knowing the difference between our needs and wants or desires? Another problem could be expecting our needs to be met by people who have no idea how to meet them.
It's complicated. I spent years focusing on myself and trying to achieve my own happiness. When it comes right down to it, focusing on trying to be happy does not bring happiness. Focusing on ourselves does not satisfy - we'll always be disappointed. The times when I actually focused on helping someone else, or just listening to a friend without personal expectations, there was a joy inside of me.
Someone wise once said that we need a goal that is bigger than ourselves. I believe that to be true. When I only focus on me, it gets rather boring. We've all spent time with people who are self-centred - it doesn't take long to realize that it's not that enjoyable! We usually try to avoid them.
I think about my friends and family members who are really interested in me - they listen when I talk - they ask more questions. They sincerely care about me. I love being around them because of how they make me feel. I feel cared for and special.
That is the kind of person I want to be. Someone who is truly interested in what others are saying. Someone who doesn't have to chime in with a story about me! Someone who asks questions. Someone who sincerely cares about the other person. Someone who makes others feel cared for and special. Someone who thinks "It's not about me!" That's the kind of person I want to be. I don't really want to focus on what I want - I want to focus on what others want and need and try to help them. In doing that, my own needs will be met and I will be happy and content - filled with joy! What could be better than that?
Any thoughts?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
FOCUS ON THE POSSIBILITY
There is a subtle disempowerment in a problem – a feeling that all the doors are shut. There’s a weariness and stuckness about it. Simply asking yourself “What’s the possibility we see in this situation?” can make a big difference.
Think of a difficult situation from your past that did not end well. What did you focus on? Now think of a struggle that had a good ending. What did you focus on? What made the difference?
I would venture to suggest that in the second scenario you focused on the solution. You focused on the possibilities.
When we focus on the problem, all we can see is the problem. Our thoughts are negative; we can’t see a way out, we lose hope and give up. The result? ...no solution – only despair.
Our attitude changes when we begin to focus on the solution. We’re expecting a positive ending. We’re looking past the problem and taking steps towards resolving the issue. We feel hopeful and optimistic.
Think of a difficult situation in your life right now. Start focusing on the solution. What are the possibilities? Ask yourself: “What outcome do I want?” Think of some ways you can start moving forward to get the outcome you want. Start by taking some action steps – focus on the solution! You will get a good ending. It will be worth the extra effort you’re putting in – and you’ll feel hopeful and optimistic!
Please leave a comment and tell us the possibilities you see in your struggles – and how you are focusing on the solution.
Think of a difficult situation from your past that did not end well. What did you focus on? Now think of a struggle that had a good ending. What did you focus on? What made the difference?
I would venture to suggest that in the second scenario you focused on the solution. You focused on the possibilities.
When we focus on the problem, all we can see is the problem. Our thoughts are negative; we can’t see a way out, we lose hope and give up. The result? ...no solution – only despair.
Our attitude changes when we begin to focus on the solution. We’re expecting a positive ending. We’re looking past the problem and taking steps towards resolving the issue. We feel hopeful and optimistic.
Think of a difficult situation in your life right now. Start focusing on the solution. What are the possibilities? Ask yourself: “What outcome do I want?” Think of some ways you can start moving forward to get the outcome you want. Start by taking some action steps – focus on the solution! You will get a good ending. It will be worth the extra effort you’re putting in – and you’ll feel hopeful and optimistic!
Please leave a comment and tell us the possibilities you see in your struggles – and how you are focusing on the solution.
Monday, July 19, 2010
AN IMPORTANT QUESTION
Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott is a book I've just read.
The Value of Powerful Questions is the name of the workshop I'm delivering at a conference in Phoenix next week.
While preparing for the workshop, I came across a very powerful question in Fierce Conversations. It really made me think. It was a question I should have asked myself years ago when living in a situation that was not healthy.
The value in the question is that it will make you face things that you should not be ignoring. The answer may not be pleasant, but the answer will result in some action to improve your life in some way.
Are you curious yet?
Ask yourself this:
"What am I pretending not to know?"
Apply this question to your relationships, your work, your home, any other area in your life.
"What am I pretending not to know?"
In my next posting, I will help you to Focus on the Solution - another powerful concept!
The Value of Powerful Questions is the name of the workshop I'm delivering at a conference in Phoenix next week.
While preparing for the workshop, I came across a very powerful question in Fierce Conversations. It really made me think. It was a question I should have asked myself years ago when living in a situation that was not healthy.
The value in the question is that it will make you face things that you should not be ignoring. The answer may not be pleasant, but the answer will result in some action to improve your life in some way.
Are you curious yet?
Ask yourself this:
"What am I pretending not to know?"
Apply this question to your relationships, your work, your home, any other area in your life.
"What am I pretending not to know?"
In my next posting, I will help you to Focus on the Solution - another powerful concept!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
COURAGE
Admirable! Courageous!
Teaching English to immigrant women in Calgary really helps me to appreciate life here. They come to Calgary from all parts of the world. Many of them come because their husbands have jobs here. Some come as single moms. Some come on their own. Their reason for moving to Canada – to improve their own lives and provide a better life for their families.
When I ask them why they’re here, I often see pain in their eyes. One young woman once answered, “I don’t like that question.” I fought back tears as I realized the emotional pain I’d caused.
I admire these women – many of them with young children and pregnant. Life here is not easy! The first thing they do is enrol in English classes as they adjust to a foreign land.
They’re willing to go through this difficult period in hopes of a better future! WOW! They put me to shame. I’d often thought I wanted to create a better future for myself, but was too lazy or scared to leave my ‘comfort zone’! Most of these women’s ‘comfort zones’ were more uncomfortable and more painful than leaving – more painful than changing! I can only imagine!
Think of the courage it would take to make the changes and face the challenges to create a better future.
What can I learn from them?
• That Canada is a great country
• That Canadians are friendly and helpful
• That the air here is fresh
• That this is a great country with opportunities
• No matter how negative and pessimistic some people are about this country and its government, I really cannot think of another place I’d rather live.
• That nothing is impossible
• If I want a better future, it’s up to me. I just have to go for it!
Your turn – what can you learn from people in your life who’ve had the courage to face huge risks to create a better future for themselves?
Let’s make a list of the things we’ve all learned – leave a comment, please. And read others’ comments.
Teaching English to immigrant women in Calgary really helps me to appreciate life here. They come to Calgary from all parts of the world. Many of them come because their husbands have jobs here. Some come as single moms. Some come on their own. Their reason for moving to Canada – to improve their own lives and provide a better life for their families.
When I ask them why they’re here, I often see pain in their eyes. One young woman once answered, “I don’t like that question.” I fought back tears as I realized the emotional pain I’d caused.
I admire these women – many of them with young children and pregnant. Life here is not easy! The first thing they do is enrol in English classes as they adjust to a foreign land.
They’re willing to go through this difficult period in hopes of a better future! WOW! They put me to shame. I’d often thought I wanted to create a better future for myself, but was too lazy or scared to leave my ‘comfort zone’! Most of these women’s ‘comfort zones’ were more uncomfortable and more painful than leaving – more painful than changing! I can only imagine!
Think of the courage it would take to make the changes and face the challenges to create a better future.
What can I learn from them?
• That Canada is a great country
• That Canadians are friendly and helpful
• That the air here is fresh
• That this is a great country with opportunities
• No matter how negative and pessimistic some people are about this country and its government, I really cannot think of another place I’d rather live.
• That nothing is impossible
• If I want a better future, it’s up to me. I just have to go for it!
Your turn – what can you learn from people in your life who’ve had the courage to face huge risks to create a better future for themselves?
Let’s make a list of the things we’ve all learned – leave a comment, please. And read others’ comments.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
TENACITY
What a great word – tenacity!
A looooong time ago, a principal I worked for (I used to teach school) told me that he liked my tenacity. At that time, I hadn’t heard the word and had no idea what it meant. I smiled, thanked him, and found a dictionary.
Tenacity – the quality of being tenacious. Tenacious: persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired.
Having tenacity means having persistence and determination.
Why is tenacity a good thing? It keeps you going when the going gets tough! I prefer to think of it as ‘stick-to-itiveness’.
Last week I heard a speaker talking about tenacity. Donna Dahl told the story about Hurry Hare and Tenacity Turtle. We’ve all heard the story. She was speaking to women business owners. What I appreciated about her perspective was that we don’t have to be winners. We just have to finish. We don’t have to be in a hurry – we simply have to keep moving forward.
I recently read that people don’t fail, they just give up trying. Tenacity Turtle did not give up trying. He kept on going.
This seems like a simple concept – and it is. But for most of us, it is easy to give up. Just ask me – I’ve done it many times! Even though I’m a tenacious person, I’ve given up too often.
As most of you know, I returned to school two years ago, took coach training, and started my own Life Coach business. It’s been part-time, one little step at a time. After hearing Donna Dahl talk about tenacity last week, I am more determined than ever to keep on going and get my business to the level I want it to be. In the past, I would have given up by now, because giving up is easy.
Robert Schuller says “Almost anything can be accomplished by the person who really wants to succeed.”
So – here I am – a person with tenacity who really wants to succeed. This time, I don’t want to give up trying. I am not going to give up on my dream. I’m going to be tenacious!
How about you – do you have a dream or an idea? Have you given up trying? You haven’t failed! You can do it. You just have to be persistent and determined. You have to be tenacious! It’s hard – but not impossible. I’ll even help you – that is what Life Coaches do. We follow our dreams and want to help others follow their dreams! Go for it – you can do it – follow your dream. Have tenacity!
Please leave a comment – share your dream and how you are going to be tenacious. Once you get it out there, you’ll be even more determined.
A looooong time ago, a principal I worked for (I used to teach school) told me that he liked my tenacity. At that time, I hadn’t heard the word and had no idea what it meant. I smiled, thanked him, and found a dictionary.
Tenacity – the quality of being tenacious. Tenacious: persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired.
Having tenacity means having persistence and determination.
Why is tenacity a good thing? It keeps you going when the going gets tough! I prefer to think of it as ‘stick-to-itiveness’.
Last week I heard a speaker talking about tenacity. Donna Dahl told the story about Hurry Hare and Tenacity Turtle. We’ve all heard the story. She was speaking to women business owners. What I appreciated about her perspective was that we don’t have to be winners. We just have to finish. We don’t have to be in a hurry – we simply have to keep moving forward.
I recently read that people don’t fail, they just give up trying. Tenacity Turtle did not give up trying. He kept on going.
This seems like a simple concept – and it is. But for most of us, it is easy to give up. Just ask me – I’ve done it many times! Even though I’m a tenacious person, I’ve given up too often.
As most of you know, I returned to school two years ago, took coach training, and started my own Life Coach business. It’s been part-time, one little step at a time. After hearing Donna Dahl talk about tenacity last week, I am more determined than ever to keep on going and get my business to the level I want it to be. In the past, I would have given up by now, because giving up is easy.
Robert Schuller says “Almost anything can be accomplished by the person who really wants to succeed.”
So – here I am – a person with tenacity who really wants to succeed. This time, I don’t want to give up trying. I am not going to give up on my dream. I’m going to be tenacious!
How about you – do you have a dream or an idea? Have you given up trying? You haven’t failed! You can do it. You just have to be persistent and determined. You have to be tenacious! It’s hard – but not impossible. I’ll even help you – that is what Life Coaches do. We follow our dreams and want to help others follow their dreams! Go for it – you can do it – follow your dream. Have tenacity!
Please leave a comment – share your dream and how you are going to be tenacious. Once you get it out there, you’ll be even more determined.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
"MOTHER"
She always referred to herself as ‘Mother’. That’s how she signed her cards and notes. Even though I called her ‘Mom’, she was Mother. ...and what a Mother she was!
Last Wednesday we laid her to rest; she is now with her husband, who left us last November. It was hard losing him, but even harder losing her. Did I think she was invincible? Did I think she would always be here? Did I think she would never leave us?
This is Mother’s Day. My own mother passed away eleven years ago in the spring; my mother-in-law passed away a week ago. She was more like a mother than a mother-in-law! I loved that about her – she accepted me into her family and never let go.
There are many adjectives I can think of to describe her: independent, strong, humble, unassuming, compassionate, caring, thoughtful, grateful, organized, efficient, loving, giving, patient, reserved, gentle, positive, devoted, generous, competent, not wasteful, resourceful, practical, self-sacrificing and full of faith in Jesus, her Saviour.
As I think about her this morning, I think about the qualities in her life I would like to emulate. One thing she never (or seldom) did was criticize others. She did not offer advice unless we asked for it. She let us live our lives and supported us, without criticism. She was wonderful about accepting people and not passing judgement. What a rare quality! She never stopped loving, even when we did things that did not line up with her values.
Seldom did anyone hear her complain about anything. I’m sure she had lots to complain about from time to time, but we never heard negative words. She was great about accepting circumstances and rising above them.
I think the quality that stands out for me was her unselfish attitude. She put the needs of others ahead herself. It was most evident in the last few years when Dad’s health was failing. They shared a room in a Seniors’ Manor and he could always depend on her to be there for him. There were many times when she deprived herself from participating in activities, events or outings because she would not leave him behind, even though he would have been in good hands at the home. I doubt if there was a selfish bone in her body!
What am I going to miss? Our telephone conversations ~ her cards ~ her notes written on the back of placemats ~ the envelopes that contained news articles she thought might interest me. (We lived a few thousand miles apart.) I’ll miss dialling the phone and her voice on the other end. I’ll miss visiting her and running errands with her. I’ll miss the way she made me feel valued whenever we talked or spent time together. I’ll miss that she won’t be my kids’ Grandma any longer.
I’m grateful that she gave us all good memories and a wonderful legacy. She was a grand example of a beautiful person who loved and cared for her family and friends. She loved and cared for her husband for 65 years and after he passed away, she couldn’t bear living without him. She went on ahead of us to join her Lord and her husband – and we can look forward to joining her in heaven some day. I love you, Mother!
What quality in your mother's life would you want to emulate?
Last Wednesday we laid her to rest; she is now with her husband, who left us last November. It was hard losing him, but even harder losing her. Did I think she was invincible? Did I think she would always be here? Did I think she would never leave us?
This is Mother’s Day. My own mother passed away eleven years ago in the spring; my mother-in-law passed away a week ago. She was more like a mother than a mother-in-law! I loved that about her – she accepted me into her family and never let go.
There are many adjectives I can think of to describe her: independent, strong, humble, unassuming, compassionate, caring, thoughtful, grateful, organized, efficient, loving, giving, patient, reserved, gentle, positive, devoted, generous, competent, not wasteful, resourceful, practical, self-sacrificing and full of faith in Jesus, her Saviour.
As I think about her this morning, I think about the qualities in her life I would like to emulate. One thing she never (or seldom) did was criticize others. She did not offer advice unless we asked for it. She let us live our lives and supported us, without criticism. She was wonderful about accepting people and not passing judgement. What a rare quality! She never stopped loving, even when we did things that did not line up with her values.
Seldom did anyone hear her complain about anything. I’m sure she had lots to complain about from time to time, but we never heard negative words. She was great about accepting circumstances and rising above them.
I think the quality that stands out for me was her unselfish attitude. She put the needs of others ahead herself. It was most evident in the last few years when Dad’s health was failing. They shared a room in a Seniors’ Manor and he could always depend on her to be there for him. There were many times when she deprived herself from participating in activities, events or outings because she would not leave him behind, even though he would have been in good hands at the home. I doubt if there was a selfish bone in her body!
What am I going to miss? Our telephone conversations ~ her cards ~ her notes written on the back of placemats ~ the envelopes that contained news articles she thought might interest me. (We lived a few thousand miles apart.) I’ll miss dialling the phone and her voice on the other end. I’ll miss visiting her and running errands with her. I’ll miss the way she made me feel valued whenever we talked or spent time together. I’ll miss that she won’t be my kids’ Grandma any longer.
I’m grateful that she gave us all good memories and a wonderful legacy. She was a grand example of a beautiful person who loved and cared for her family and friends. She loved and cared for her husband for 65 years and after he passed away, she couldn’t bear living without him. She went on ahead of us to join her Lord and her husband – and we can look forward to joining her in heaven some day. I love you, Mother!
What quality in your mother's life would you want to emulate?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
FEEL MORE IN CONTROL
Many people have no idea how they can benefit from having a Life Coach. It is a rather new profession and for many, it's unfamiliar territory. Here is an e-mail I received from a client after a few months of coaching sessions. She had given me permission to use it here, hoping you will be inspired by it! Please leave a comment after you've read it - she'd appreciate that.
Dear Betty,
In coaching you taught me about ways to keep a dream active and alive, such as making a dream board and keeping it visible. Also, by learning how to turn the dream into a goal, plus already seeing the progress, it is inspiring enough to keep the motivation in forward gear.
Putting a time-line in motion is liberating.
Through this process, my husband, too, is learning and we both have been able to appreciate and be more at peace with our lives. Before the dream taking on a life of its own, daily life seemed to be in a whirl-wind of confusing limbo. In other words...out of control. I guess what I am saying is that after all of the coaching I've had with you, I finally realized that being more in control is not at all a life of being bound and restrictive. I now see that taking charge and being more in control is actually giving me a more liberated feeling. I know, at first it seems a contradiction in terms, but it is really quite the opposite, as I've just recently learned. Planning and order result in a life of freedom for the soul because of the peaceful feeling it evokes, not to mention a clearer picture or path. A clearer path in life is so much more relaxed. A crowded and windy path has all sorts of unforeseen twists and turns which don't provide enough time to adjust before the next jog in the road. Relaxing on a windy path is the last thing on one's mind, or in one's life, when each new jog creates nervous anticipation.
The life of a free-spirit is not at all about complacency as I thought.
I've learned my anxiety has come from too many unknowns....not having enough control.
I've learned a better balance in life.
I've learned how to recognize and implement the balancing tools of life.
I've learned how to find and use my own skills and tools......that were right there all along ....almost obvious.....but somehow obscured.
I feel that the job of a Life Coach is to hand out the right key to unlock each new door of peace/freedom/potential/life. Betty, as I write this from the heart, I have realized just how much I have learned and just how far I have come.
Looking back to the beginning and reviewing where I was, is even more motivating. Your life coaching sessions have taught me the tools necessary to balance life, goals and dreams. Teaching me how to begin working on the path towards our 'boat-life' was the catalyst point for developing skills in many other areas of my life. It is definitely about balance...for one thing affects another.....and another...and another....that’s for certain, which makes that another benefit of having a Life Coach. I've learned to appreciate even more, the 'simple pleasures' in life because they are part of the scenery along that nice clear path. The 'simple pleasures' aren't lost among the overgrowth or hairpin turns.
Thank-you Betty....truly....life-coach/friend....such a blessing....
Roni
Dear Betty,
In coaching you taught me about ways to keep a dream active and alive, such as making a dream board and keeping it visible. Also, by learning how to turn the dream into a goal, plus already seeing the progress, it is inspiring enough to keep the motivation in forward gear.
Putting a time-line in motion is liberating.
Through this process, my husband, too, is learning and we both have been able to appreciate and be more at peace with our lives. Before the dream taking on a life of its own, daily life seemed to be in a whirl-wind of confusing limbo. In other words...out of control. I guess what I am saying is that after all of the coaching I've had with you, I finally realized that being more in control is not at all a life of being bound and restrictive. I now see that taking charge and being more in control is actually giving me a more liberated feeling. I know, at first it seems a contradiction in terms, but it is really quite the opposite, as I've just recently learned. Planning and order result in a life of freedom for the soul because of the peaceful feeling it evokes, not to mention a clearer picture or path. A clearer path in life is so much more relaxed. A crowded and windy path has all sorts of unforeseen twists and turns which don't provide enough time to adjust before the next jog in the road. Relaxing on a windy path is the last thing on one's mind, or in one's life, when each new jog creates nervous anticipation.
The life of a free-spirit is not at all about complacency as I thought.
I've learned my anxiety has come from too many unknowns....not having enough control.
I've learned a better balance in life.
I've learned how to recognize and implement the balancing tools of life.
I've learned how to find and use my own skills and tools......that were right there all along ....almost obvious.....but somehow obscured.
I feel that the job of a Life Coach is to hand out the right key to unlock each new door of peace/freedom/potential/life. Betty, as I write this from the heart, I have realized just how much I have learned and just how far I have come.
Looking back to the beginning and reviewing where I was, is even more motivating. Your life coaching sessions have taught me the tools necessary to balance life, goals and dreams. Teaching me how to begin working on the path towards our 'boat-life' was the catalyst point for developing skills in many other areas of my life. It is definitely about balance...for one thing affects another.....and another...and another....that’s for certain, which makes that another benefit of having a Life Coach. I've learned to appreciate even more, the 'simple pleasures' in life because they are part of the scenery along that nice clear path. The 'simple pleasures' aren't lost among the overgrowth or hairpin turns.
Thank-you Betty....truly....life-coach/friend....such a blessing....
Roni
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT?
At an event I attended last week we had to ask each other what we’re passionate about! Often our passion will spring from something that’s happened in our past!
I’m passionate about helping women to develop self-confidence to achieve their goals and follow their dreams. It’s my desire to help women realize that are worthy and have a lot to offer. I want to support them when they go through difficult times in their lives. By helping women to be the best they can be, I’m also helping them to be wonderful mothers so their children do not have to experience what I did. Their children will grow up with a sense of personal self-worth. (I also have a passion for children!)
You’re probably wondering if that springs from something that happened in my past. It sure does! I grew up with a mother who had been sexually and physically abused as a child, but didn’t tell anyone about it until she was 69! Can you believe that? She lived with that ‘secret’ most of her life; she didn’t know how to cope in a healthy way, which affected the way she mothered her seven children. She was not capable of nurturing our personal self-worth.
My upbringing resulted in me feeling unloved, with little self-esteem and no confidence in myself. It has taken me years to realize that I am of value, worthy of being loved, especially by me. I couldn’t appreciate God’s love for me until I was in my 30’s! It took a long time to develop confidence that I could do something worthwhile. I didn’t live out my full potential simply because I didn’t think I could! (Who can identify with me?)
I now use my coaching skills and my love for people to live out my passion of helping others and making a difference in their lives. I absolutely love coaching my clients and watching them develop in their personal lives. It feeds my passion.
Okay – your turn. What is YOUR passion? I’d love to hear from you and so would my readers. Please leave a comment to tell about your passion.
I’m passionate about helping women to develop self-confidence to achieve their goals and follow their dreams. It’s my desire to help women realize that are worthy and have a lot to offer. I want to support them when they go through difficult times in their lives. By helping women to be the best they can be, I’m also helping them to be wonderful mothers so their children do not have to experience what I did. Their children will grow up with a sense of personal self-worth. (I also have a passion for children!)
You’re probably wondering if that springs from something that happened in my past. It sure does! I grew up with a mother who had been sexually and physically abused as a child, but didn’t tell anyone about it until she was 69! Can you believe that? She lived with that ‘secret’ most of her life; she didn’t know how to cope in a healthy way, which affected the way she mothered her seven children. She was not capable of nurturing our personal self-worth.
My upbringing resulted in me feeling unloved, with little self-esteem and no confidence in myself. It has taken me years to realize that I am of value, worthy of being loved, especially by me. I couldn’t appreciate God’s love for me until I was in my 30’s! It took a long time to develop confidence that I could do something worthwhile. I didn’t live out my full potential simply because I didn’t think I could! (Who can identify with me?)
I now use my coaching skills and my love for people to live out my passion of helping others and making a difference in their lives. I absolutely love coaching my clients and watching them develop in their personal lives. It feeds my passion.
Okay – your turn. What is YOUR passion? I’d love to hear from you and so would my readers. Please leave a comment to tell about your passion.
Monday, April 12, 2010
YOU CAN PREDICT YOUR FUTURE!
You probably think you cannot predict your future! But you can - if you pay attention to your thoughts!
Your thoughts cause the feelings you have. Your feelings cause your actions. Your actions cause results. Pay attention to your thoughts today and you’ll know what results you’ll experience tomorrow.
We all know positive, optimistic people. They are usually happy, have good things happen around them, are pretty successful in what they do, have a great attitude about life.
We also know negative, pessimistic people. They see the glass ‘half empty’. They see the negative side of a situation; they get anxious and worried about issues. Being around someone like this drags us down. What kind of results are they producing?
Be aware of your thoughts. You are not a victim of your thoughts. You can control them. You can exercise thought prevention! You can change your thoughts.
Change the thoughts, and you change the person. If today’s thoughts are tomorrow’s actions, what happens when we fill our minds with thoughts of God’s love?
Thoughts cause feelings; feelings cause actions; actions cause results. If you don’t like the result, change your thought, which will change your actions, changing your results. It all starts with a thought.
When you are aware of your thoughts, and change them to be positive and encouraging, you maintain control.
Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.
Your thoughts cause the feelings you have. Your feelings cause your actions. Your actions cause results. Pay attention to your thoughts today and you’ll know what results you’ll experience tomorrow.
We all know positive, optimistic people. They are usually happy, have good things happen around them, are pretty successful in what they do, have a great attitude about life.
We also know negative, pessimistic people. They see the glass ‘half empty’. They see the negative side of a situation; they get anxious and worried about issues. Being around someone like this drags us down. What kind of results are they producing?
Be aware of your thoughts. You are not a victim of your thoughts. You can control them. You can exercise thought prevention! You can change your thoughts.
Change the thoughts, and you change the person. If today’s thoughts are tomorrow’s actions, what happens when we fill our minds with thoughts of God’s love?
Thoughts cause feelings; feelings cause actions; actions cause results. If you don’t like the result, change your thought, which will change your actions, changing your results. It all starts with a thought.
When you are aware of your thoughts, and change them to be positive and encouraging, you maintain control.
Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
SILVER LINING
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson
Three days ago, my friend lost her home in a fire! There was smoke – clouds of smoke. Now – the aftermath of that fire and smoke. The fire is gone, the smoke is gone, but the cloud remains in her life.
The cloud of figuring out the details of what to do next!
I’ve known people who’ve lost their homes in a fire, but never have I gone through the emotions with them. This time it’s up close and personal for me. This is a good friend – my business partner! It’s almost like it happened to me!
This morning I woke up thinking that there must be a silver lining in this cloud.
It’s easy to see the cloud and to focus on it, but that won’t get us anywhere. As a coach, I encourage my clients to focus on the solution, not on the problem! If you focus on the problem, you don’t really get anywhere because everything you see is negative.
My coaching practice is about helping people navigate through change, either unwanted change or welcome change. Change is a constant in everyone’s life. Nothing ever stays the same. But most change, if not all, brings with it some clouds. Our challenge is to find the silver lining in those clouds. If we look for it, we’ll find it. Sometimes it takes awhile because we have to get through the cloud to where the silver is visible.
How is my friend finding the silver lining? She is grateful! How can that be, you ask? Well, to begin with, I walked to the burning condo building with her and her husband and they asked the police and firemen to please get their dog out. They were awesome – came out with the dog on a leash. The dog was unscathed. At that point, my friend said, “Nothing else matters.” She realized what was important to her. She had her husband and her dog. The material stuff was replaceable. She was also receiving phone calls from her grown children who were all concerned about their parents. She appreciated the awesome support she had from her family. By the end of the day, she’d received numerous emails and calls from her friends, her co-workers, her church, etc. and realized how they all valued her! She was so grateful for the support surrounding her from her friends and family that she was starting to put everything into perspective!
When I spoke with her last night, she was exhausted – emotionally and mentally. But again, she was surrounded with family and was basking in that.
When I talk to her next, I’ll ask her what the silver lining is. It hasn’t even been 72 hours since the fire, but I’m sure she’ll be able to tell me about the positive things she’s come to appreciate through this ordeal.
It is my honour to dedicate this entry to my friend and ministry/business partner, Karen Van Riesen. I know that she would appreciate your prayers! ...another part of the silver lining!!!
Three days ago, my friend lost her home in a fire! There was smoke – clouds of smoke. Now – the aftermath of that fire and smoke. The fire is gone, the smoke is gone, but the cloud remains in her life.
The cloud of figuring out the details of what to do next!
I’ve known people who’ve lost their homes in a fire, but never have I gone through the emotions with them. This time it’s up close and personal for me. This is a good friend – my business partner! It’s almost like it happened to me!
This morning I woke up thinking that there must be a silver lining in this cloud.
It’s easy to see the cloud and to focus on it, but that won’t get us anywhere. As a coach, I encourage my clients to focus on the solution, not on the problem! If you focus on the problem, you don’t really get anywhere because everything you see is negative.
My coaching practice is about helping people navigate through change, either unwanted change or welcome change. Change is a constant in everyone’s life. Nothing ever stays the same. But most change, if not all, brings with it some clouds. Our challenge is to find the silver lining in those clouds. If we look for it, we’ll find it. Sometimes it takes awhile because we have to get through the cloud to where the silver is visible.
How is my friend finding the silver lining? She is grateful! How can that be, you ask? Well, to begin with, I walked to the burning condo building with her and her husband and they asked the police and firemen to please get their dog out. They were awesome – came out with the dog on a leash. The dog was unscathed. At that point, my friend said, “Nothing else matters.” She realized what was important to her. She had her husband and her dog. The material stuff was replaceable. She was also receiving phone calls from her grown children who were all concerned about their parents. She appreciated the awesome support she had from her family. By the end of the day, she’d received numerous emails and calls from her friends, her co-workers, her church, etc. and realized how they all valued her! She was so grateful for the support surrounding her from her friends and family that she was starting to put everything into perspective!
When I spoke with her last night, she was exhausted – emotionally and mentally. But again, she was surrounded with family and was basking in that.
When I talk to her next, I’ll ask her what the silver lining is. It hasn’t even been 72 hours since the fire, but I’m sure she’ll be able to tell me about the positive things she’s come to appreciate through this ordeal.
It is my honour to dedicate this entry to my friend and ministry/business partner, Karen Van Riesen. I know that she would appreciate your prayers! ...another part of the silver lining!!!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
LISTENING - WHAT A GIFT!
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
I don’t know who wrote the above quote, but I sure like it. Are YOU a good listener? Do you know someone who is? Do you have a spouse or friend who is?
What does it mean to listen to someone?
When you have something to share, are excited about something or are having a bad day, you want to talk with a friend, right? Most people do! Others like to retreat and spend time alone, reflecting.
I’m the kind of person who needs someone with whom to share my emotions. When something wonderful has happened, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my joy.
When something terrible has happened to me, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my anger or disappointment.
When I’m feeling sad or downcast, I want someone to talk with. I want someone to share my sadness.
I don’t think I’m much different than most extroverts. We all want someone to be there when we are experiencing the ups and downs of life. The thing we want most is for someone to listen to us. ...really listen to us – without an agenda of what they are going to say as soon as they get an opening. We want them to care about what we are saying – care about us!
The kind of listening I’m talking about is this:
• Listening to someone without saying much....just listening
• Listening without telling your own story
• Listening without offering advice
• Listening with the sole pupose of experiencing what the speaker is experiencing
• Listening, and more listening
• When the person pauses, keep on listening!
• Listen and wait. Don’t fill the space with your own words; the person probably has more to share and needs time to process and get it out.
• It’s all about the other person – not about you.
Who listens like that? Is that what it means to listen?
The next time you are talking to someone, be aware of how they are listening to you. The next time someone is telling you something, be aware of your own listening skills. Try ‘listening’!
Here is an experiment for you to try. When you are in a conversation, listen to the other person without interruption for at least five minutes. When there’s a pause, ask a question to give the other person space to continue. When they are listened to, they will feel that you really care! And we all want to feel cared for!
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
I don’t know who wrote the above quote, but I sure like it. Are YOU a good listener? Do you know someone who is? Do you have a spouse or friend who is?
What does it mean to listen to someone?
When you have something to share, are excited about something or are having a bad day, you want to talk with a friend, right? Most people do! Others like to retreat and spend time alone, reflecting.
I’m the kind of person who needs someone with whom to share my emotions. When something wonderful has happened, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my joy.
When something terrible has happened to me, the first thing I want to do is call someone to tell them! I want someone to share my anger or disappointment.
When I’m feeling sad or downcast, I want someone to talk with. I want someone to share my sadness.
I don’t think I’m much different than most extroverts. We all want someone to be there when we are experiencing the ups and downs of life. The thing we want most is for someone to listen to us. ...really listen to us – without an agenda of what they are going to say as soon as they get an opening. We want them to care about what we are saying – care about us!
The kind of listening I’m talking about is this:
• Listening to someone without saying much....just listening
• Listening without telling your own story
• Listening without offering advice
• Listening with the sole pupose of experiencing what the speaker is experiencing
• Listening, and more listening
• When the person pauses, keep on listening!
• Listen and wait. Don’t fill the space with your own words; the person probably has more to share and needs time to process and get it out.
• It’s all about the other person – not about you.
Who listens like that? Is that what it means to listen?
The next time you are talking to someone, be aware of how they are listening to you. The next time someone is telling you something, be aware of your own listening skills. Try ‘listening’!
Here is an experiment for you to try. When you are in a conversation, listen to the other person without interruption for at least five minutes. When there’s a pause, ask a question to give the other person space to continue. When they are listened to, they will feel that you really care! And we all want to feel cared for!
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Perfection or Excellence?
Perfection is being right.
Excellence is willing to be wrong.
Perfection is fear.
Excellence is taking a risk.
Perfection is anger and frustration.
Excellence is powerful.
Perfection is control.
Excellence is spontaneous.
Perfection is judgment.
Excellence is accepting.
Perfection is taking.
Excellence is giving.
Perfection is doubt.
Excellence is confidence.
Perfection is pressure.
Excellence is natural.
Perfection is the destination.
Excellence is the journey.
~Anonymous
Excellence is willing to be wrong.
Perfection is fear.
Excellence is taking a risk.
Perfection is anger and frustration.
Excellence is powerful.
Perfection is control.
Excellence is spontaneous.
Perfection is judgment.
Excellence is accepting.
Perfection is taking.
Excellence is giving.
Perfection is doubt.
Excellence is confidence.
Perfection is pressure.
Excellence is natural.
Perfection is the destination.
Excellence is the journey.
~Anonymous
Sunday, February 28, 2010
I Have a Plan!
At the end of every coaching session I ask the client what value they created for themselves. Do you know what the most common answer is? "Now I have a plan." "Now I know what to do first."
We all know the saying "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." Have you ever thought of how true that is? Just take a minute to think about it. In order to achieve your goals, you need a plan. When you go on a trip, you have a plan of how to get to your destination. But how many of us actually go through life without a plan?
Think about your dreams and aspirations. How many of them have you accomplished? We don't accomplish them because we don't have a plan to do so. When we are faced with a problem, how do we solve the problem? Without a plan to actually solve it, we just focus on the problem. We have to focus on the solution and in order to do that, it involves making a plan.
Here's an action step for you for today or this week. Think about a challenge you're facing or a dream or project you'd like to pursue. Don't focus on the issue itself, but start thinking of a way to meet the challenge and solve the problem. Decide what you're going to do first! A journey begins with the first step. Even if you aren't sure what the second step will be, you can still start with the first one. Go for it!
If your challenge or goal is huge, you might need some help sorting out your thoughts. Talking to a friend might help. You may even need a coach - if that's the case, let me know :)
Please leave a comment and let us know how making a plan is helping you.
We all know the saying "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." Have you ever thought of how true that is? Just take a minute to think about it. In order to achieve your goals, you need a plan. When you go on a trip, you have a plan of how to get to your destination. But how many of us actually go through life without a plan?
Think about your dreams and aspirations. How many of them have you accomplished? We don't accomplish them because we don't have a plan to do so. When we are faced with a problem, how do we solve the problem? Without a plan to actually solve it, we just focus on the problem. We have to focus on the solution and in order to do that, it involves making a plan.
Here's an action step for you for today or this week. Think about a challenge you're facing or a dream or project you'd like to pursue. Don't focus on the issue itself, but start thinking of a way to meet the challenge and solve the problem. Decide what you're going to do first! A journey begins with the first step. Even if you aren't sure what the second step will be, you can still start with the first one. Go for it!
If your challenge or goal is huge, you might need some help sorting out your thoughts. Talking to a friend might help. You may even need a coach - if that's the case, let me know :)
Please leave a comment and let us know how making a plan is helping you.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Vision versus Fear
Vision trumps fear. That's what I read on a Facebook status this morning. The person who posted it was my instructor when I took coach training. She was partly responsible for helping me to understand how important it is to understand why we do something. The Bible says that without vision, people perish. I think I finally understand that.
We need to have a purpose in this life. We all know that material things do not satisfy. But many are still collecting 'things', looking for fulfillment. It just doesn't cut it.
When we have a purpose - a vision - bigger than ourselves, it takes the focus off what we want and what will make us happy and redirects it to others. A great example of this is Mother Theresa. Did she ever think of herself? Imagine her vision.
Anyone who is truly fulfilled in his/her life has a vision. When you have a vision, it's important to know why that vision is important. What value is there in following your vision? When you know that, it will keep you focused and grounded. When you have moments of doubt, remembering why you are following your vision gets you back on track.
What is YOUR vision? Sharing your vision will inspire and encourage others.
We need to have a purpose in this life. We all know that material things do not satisfy. But many are still collecting 'things', looking for fulfillment. It just doesn't cut it.
When we have a purpose - a vision - bigger than ourselves, it takes the focus off what we want and what will make us happy and redirects it to others. A great example of this is Mother Theresa. Did she ever think of herself? Imagine her vision.
Anyone who is truly fulfilled in his/her life has a vision. When you have a vision, it's important to know why that vision is important. What value is there in following your vision? When you know that, it will keep you focused and grounded. When you have moments of doubt, remembering why you are following your vision gets you back on track.
What is YOUR vision? Sharing your vision will inspire and encourage others.
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