People often ask me the difference between coaching and counselling or therapy. I have a friend who is a psychotherapist and a coach. She told me she prefers coaching over therapy and I asked her to explain the difference.
Here is what she told me:
In psychotherapy, the clients are in emotional pain and they need help to heal. People express their feelings about the past in the process. The sessions are held in person, in controlled settings at a certain time, typically once weekly for 45 – 60 minutes. The psychotherapist is the mental health expert and makes treatment recommendations, unlike the coach who is a partner with their client.
In coaching, the clients are doing well and looking to make a change. In the initial phase of coaching the agenda is co-created and goals are established. The goals could include upgrading their job, starting or expanding a business, life transitions, re-inventing themselves, changing a habit, etc. In coaching it is not about the past, but about the present and future. It is about where they are now and where they want to be. The sessions are flexible – in person or by phone; the length of the sessions vary from 30 to 60 minutes. Clients like the accountability factor to keep them on track as well.
If you have any comments to help clarify the difference, we’d like to hear them.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!
Our society teaches us to look out for ourselves because no one else will. The attitude of a lot of people is "It's all about me." At a conference I attended the end of July, one of the themes was 'It's not about you.'
After hearing it a number of times, it finally started to sink in. We are intrinsically selfish and independent. We think we have rights to have our own needs met. That is true, but does the problem lie in not knowing the difference between our needs and wants or desires? Another problem could be expecting our needs to be met by people who have no idea how to meet them.
It's complicated. I spent years focusing on myself and trying to achieve my own happiness. When it comes right down to it, focusing on trying to be happy does not bring happiness. Focusing on ourselves does not satisfy - we'll always be disappointed. The times when I actually focused on helping someone else, or just listening to a friend without personal expectations, there was a joy inside of me.
Someone wise once said that we need a goal that is bigger than ourselves. I believe that to be true. When I only focus on me, it gets rather boring. We've all spent time with people who are self-centred - it doesn't take long to realize that it's not that enjoyable! We usually try to avoid them.
I think about my friends and family members who are really interested in me - they listen when I talk - they ask more questions. They sincerely care about me. I love being around them because of how they make me feel. I feel cared for and special.
That is the kind of person I want to be. Someone who is truly interested in what others are saying. Someone who doesn't have to chime in with a story about me! Someone who asks questions. Someone who sincerely cares about the other person. Someone who makes others feel cared for and special. Someone who thinks "It's not about me!" That's the kind of person I want to be. I don't really want to focus on what I want - I want to focus on what others want and need and try to help them. In doing that, my own needs will be met and I will be happy and content - filled with joy! What could be better than that?
Any thoughts?
After hearing it a number of times, it finally started to sink in. We are intrinsically selfish and independent. We think we have rights to have our own needs met. That is true, but does the problem lie in not knowing the difference between our needs and wants or desires? Another problem could be expecting our needs to be met by people who have no idea how to meet them.
It's complicated. I spent years focusing on myself and trying to achieve my own happiness. When it comes right down to it, focusing on trying to be happy does not bring happiness. Focusing on ourselves does not satisfy - we'll always be disappointed. The times when I actually focused on helping someone else, or just listening to a friend without personal expectations, there was a joy inside of me.
Someone wise once said that we need a goal that is bigger than ourselves. I believe that to be true. When I only focus on me, it gets rather boring. We've all spent time with people who are self-centred - it doesn't take long to realize that it's not that enjoyable! We usually try to avoid them.
I think about my friends and family members who are really interested in me - they listen when I talk - they ask more questions. They sincerely care about me. I love being around them because of how they make me feel. I feel cared for and special.
That is the kind of person I want to be. Someone who is truly interested in what others are saying. Someone who doesn't have to chime in with a story about me! Someone who asks questions. Someone who sincerely cares about the other person. Someone who makes others feel cared for and special. Someone who thinks "It's not about me!" That's the kind of person I want to be. I don't really want to focus on what I want - I want to focus on what others want and need and try to help them. In doing that, my own needs will be met and I will be happy and content - filled with joy! What could be better than that?
Any thoughts?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
FOCUS ON THE POSSIBILITY
There is a subtle disempowerment in a problem – a feeling that all the doors are shut. There’s a weariness and stuckness about it. Simply asking yourself “What’s the possibility we see in this situation?” can make a big difference.
Think of a difficult situation from your past that did not end well. What did you focus on? Now think of a struggle that had a good ending. What did you focus on? What made the difference?
I would venture to suggest that in the second scenario you focused on the solution. You focused on the possibilities.
When we focus on the problem, all we can see is the problem. Our thoughts are negative; we can’t see a way out, we lose hope and give up. The result? ...no solution – only despair.
Our attitude changes when we begin to focus on the solution. We’re expecting a positive ending. We’re looking past the problem and taking steps towards resolving the issue. We feel hopeful and optimistic.
Think of a difficult situation in your life right now. Start focusing on the solution. What are the possibilities? Ask yourself: “What outcome do I want?” Think of some ways you can start moving forward to get the outcome you want. Start by taking some action steps – focus on the solution! You will get a good ending. It will be worth the extra effort you’re putting in – and you’ll feel hopeful and optimistic!
Please leave a comment and tell us the possibilities you see in your struggles – and how you are focusing on the solution.
Think of a difficult situation from your past that did not end well. What did you focus on? Now think of a struggle that had a good ending. What did you focus on? What made the difference?
I would venture to suggest that in the second scenario you focused on the solution. You focused on the possibilities.
When we focus on the problem, all we can see is the problem. Our thoughts are negative; we can’t see a way out, we lose hope and give up. The result? ...no solution – only despair.
Our attitude changes when we begin to focus on the solution. We’re expecting a positive ending. We’re looking past the problem and taking steps towards resolving the issue. We feel hopeful and optimistic.
Think of a difficult situation in your life right now. Start focusing on the solution. What are the possibilities? Ask yourself: “What outcome do I want?” Think of some ways you can start moving forward to get the outcome you want. Start by taking some action steps – focus on the solution! You will get a good ending. It will be worth the extra effort you’re putting in – and you’ll feel hopeful and optimistic!
Please leave a comment and tell us the possibilities you see in your struggles – and how you are focusing on the solution.
Monday, July 19, 2010
AN IMPORTANT QUESTION
Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott is a book I've just read.
The Value of Powerful Questions is the name of the workshop I'm delivering at a conference in Phoenix next week.
While preparing for the workshop, I came across a very powerful question in Fierce Conversations. It really made me think. It was a question I should have asked myself years ago when living in a situation that was not healthy.
The value in the question is that it will make you face things that you should not be ignoring. The answer may not be pleasant, but the answer will result in some action to improve your life in some way.
Are you curious yet?
Ask yourself this:
"What am I pretending not to know?"
Apply this question to your relationships, your work, your home, any other area in your life.
"What am I pretending not to know?"
In my next posting, I will help you to Focus on the Solution - another powerful concept!
The Value of Powerful Questions is the name of the workshop I'm delivering at a conference in Phoenix next week.
While preparing for the workshop, I came across a very powerful question in Fierce Conversations. It really made me think. It was a question I should have asked myself years ago when living in a situation that was not healthy.
The value in the question is that it will make you face things that you should not be ignoring. The answer may not be pleasant, but the answer will result in some action to improve your life in some way.
Are you curious yet?
Ask yourself this:
"What am I pretending not to know?"
Apply this question to your relationships, your work, your home, any other area in your life.
"What am I pretending not to know?"
In my next posting, I will help you to Focus on the Solution - another powerful concept!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
COURAGE
Admirable! Courageous!
Teaching English to immigrant women in Calgary really helps me to appreciate life here. They come to Calgary from all parts of the world. Many of them come because their husbands have jobs here. Some come as single moms. Some come on their own. Their reason for moving to Canada – to improve their own lives and provide a better life for their families.
When I ask them why they’re here, I often see pain in their eyes. One young woman once answered, “I don’t like that question.” I fought back tears as I realized the emotional pain I’d caused.
I admire these women – many of them with young children and pregnant. Life here is not easy! The first thing they do is enrol in English classes as they adjust to a foreign land.
They’re willing to go through this difficult period in hopes of a better future! WOW! They put me to shame. I’d often thought I wanted to create a better future for myself, but was too lazy or scared to leave my ‘comfort zone’! Most of these women’s ‘comfort zones’ were more uncomfortable and more painful than leaving – more painful than changing! I can only imagine!
Think of the courage it would take to make the changes and face the challenges to create a better future.
What can I learn from them?
• That Canada is a great country
• That Canadians are friendly and helpful
• That the air here is fresh
• That this is a great country with opportunities
• No matter how negative and pessimistic some people are about this country and its government, I really cannot think of another place I’d rather live.
• That nothing is impossible
• If I want a better future, it’s up to me. I just have to go for it!
Your turn – what can you learn from people in your life who’ve had the courage to face huge risks to create a better future for themselves?
Let’s make a list of the things we’ve all learned – leave a comment, please. And read others’ comments.
Teaching English to immigrant women in Calgary really helps me to appreciate life here. They come to Calgary from all parts of the world. Many of them come because their husbands have jobs here. Some come as single moms. Some come on their own. Their reason for moving to Canada – to improve their own lives and provide a better life for their families.
When I ask them why they’re here, I often see pain in their eyes. One young woman once answered, “I don’t like that question.” I fought back tears as I realized the emotional pain I’d caused.
I admire these women – many of them with young children and pregnant. Life here is not easy! The first thing they do is enrol in English classes as they adjust to a foreign land.
They’re willing to go through this difficult period in hopes of a better future! WOW! They put me to shame. I’d often thought I wanted to create a better future for myself, but was too lazy or scared to leave my ‘comfort zone’! Most of these women’s ‘comfort zones’ were more uncomfortable and more painful than leaving – more painful than changing! I can only imagine!
Think of the courage it would take to make the changes and face the challenges to create a better future.
What can I learn from them?
• That Canada is a great country
• That Canadians are friendly and helpful
• That the air here is fresh
• That this is a great country with opportunities
• No matter how negative and pessimistic some people are about this country and its government, I really cannot think of another place I’d rather live.
• That nothing is impossible
• If I want a better future, it’s up to me. I just have to go for it!
Your turn – what can you learn from people in your life who’ve had the courage to face huge risks to create a better future for themselves?
Let’s make a list of the things we’ve all learned – leave a comment, please. And read others’ comments.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
TENACITY
What a great word – tenacity!
A looooong time ago, a principal I worked for (I used to teach school) told me that he liked my tenacity. At that time, I hadn’t heard the word and had no idea what it meant. I smiled, thanked him, and found a dictionary.
Tenacity – the quality of being tenacious. Tenacious: persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired.
Having tenacity means having persistence and determination.
Why is tenacity a good thing? It keeps you going when the going gets tough! I prefer to think of it as ‘stick-to-itiveness’.
Last week I heard a speaker talking about tenacity. Donna Dahl told the story about Hurry Hare and Tenacity Turtle. We’ve all heard the story. She was speaking to women business owners. What I appreciated about her perspective was that we don’t have to be winners. We just have to finish. We don’t have to be in a hurry – we simply have to keep moving forward.
I recently read that people don’t fail, they just give up trying. Tenacity Turtle did not give up trying. He kept on going.
This seems like a simple concept – and it is. But for most of us, it is easy to give up. Just ask me – I’ve done it many times! Even though I’m a tenacious person, I’ve given up too often.
As most of you know, I returned to school two years ago, took coach training, and started my own Life Coach business. It’s been part-time, one little step at a time. After hearing Donna Dahl talk about tenacity last week, I am more determined than ever to keep on going and get my business to the level I want it to be. In the past, I would have given up by now, because giving up is easy.
Robert Schuller says “Almost anything can be accomplished by the person who really wants to succeed.”
So – here I am – a person with tenacity who really wants to succeed. This time, I don’t want to give up trying. I am not going to give up on my dream. I’m going to be tenacious!
How about you – do you have a dream or an idea? Have you given up trying? You haven’t failed! You can do it. You just have to be persistent and determined. You have to be tenacious! It’s hard – but not impossible. I’ll even help you – that is what Life Coaches do. We follow our dreams and want to help others follow their dreams! Go for it – you can do it – follow your dream. Have tenacity!
Please leave a comment – share your dream and how you are going to be tenacious. Once you get it out there, you’ll be even more determined.
A looooong time ago, a principal I worked for (I used to teach school) told me that he liked my tenacity. At that time, I hadn’t heard the word and had no idea what it meant. I smiled, thanked him, and found a dictionary.
Tenacity – the quality of being tenacious. Tenacious: persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired.
Having tenacity means having persistence and determination.
Why is tenacity a good thing? It keeps you going when the going gets tough! I prefer to think of it as ‘stick-to-itiveness’.
Last week I heard a speaker talking about tenacity. Donna Dahl told the story about Hurry Hare and Tenacity Turtle. We’ve all heard the story. She was speaking to women business owners. What I appreciated about her perspective was that we don’t have to be winners. We just have to finish. We don’t have to be in a hurry – we simply have to keep moving forward.
I recently read that people don’t fail, they just give up trying. Tenacity Turtle did not give up trying. He kept on going.
This seems like a simple concept – and it is. But for most of us, it is easy to give up. Just ask me – I’ve done it many times! Even though I’m a tenacious person, I’ve given up too often.
As most of you know, I returned to school two years ago, took coach training, and started my own Life Coach business. It’s been part-time, one little step at a time. After hearing Donna Dahl talk about tenacity last week, I am more determined than ever to keep on going and get my business to the level I want it to be. In the past, I would have given up by now, because giving up is easy.
Robert Schuller says “Almost anything can be accomplished by the person who really wants to succeed.”
So – here I am – a person with tenacity who really wants to succeed. This time, I don’t want to give up trying. I am not going to give up on my dream. I’m going to be tenacious!
How about you – do you have a dream or an idea? Have you given up trying? You haven’t failed! You can do it. You just have to be persistent and determined. You have to be tenacious! It’s hard – but not impossible. I’ll even help you – that is what Life Coaches do. We follow our dreams and want to help others follow their dreams! Go for it – you can do it – follow your dream. Have tenacity!
Please leave a comment – share your dream and how you are going to be tenacious. Once you get it out there, you’ll be even more determined.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
"MOTHER"
She always referred to herself as ‘Mother’. That’s how she signed her cards and notes. Even though I called her ‘Mom’, she was Mother. ...and what a Mother she was!
Last Wednesday we laid her to rest; she is now with her husband, who left us last November. It was hard losing him, but even harder losing her. Did I think she was invincible? Did I think she would always be here? Did I think she would never leave us?
This is Mother’s Day. My own mother passed away eleven years ago in the spring; my mother-in-law passed away a week ago. She was more like a mother than a mother-in-law! I loved that about her – she accepted me into her family and never let go.
There are many adjectives I can think of to describe her: independent, strong, humble, unassuming, compassionate, caring, thoughtful, grateful, organized, efficient, loving, giving, patient, reserved, gentle, positive, devoted, generous, competent, not wasteful, resourceful, practical, self-sacrificing and full of faith in Jesus, her Saviour.
As I think about her this morning, I think about the qualities in her life I would like to emulate. One thing she never (or seldom) did was criticize others. She did not offer advice unless we asked for it. She let us live our lives and supported us, without criticism. She was wonderful about accepting people and not passing judgement. What a rare quality! She never stopped loving, even when we did things that did not line up with her values.
Seldom did anyone hear her complain about anything. I’m sure she had lots to complain about from time to time, but we never heard negative words. She was great about accepting circumstances and rising above them.
I think the quality that stands out for me was her unselfish attitude. She put the needs of others ahead herself. It was most evident in the last few years when Dad’s health was failing. They shared a room in a Seniors’ Manor and he could always depend on her to be there for him. There were many times when she deprived herself from participating in activities, events or outings because she would not leave him behind, even though he would have been in good hands at the home. I doubt if there was a selfish bone in her body!
What am I going to miss? Our telephone conversations ~ her cards ~ her notes written on the back of placemats ~ the envelopes that contained news articles she thought might interest me. (We lived a few thousand miles apart.) I’ll miss dialling the phone and her voice on the other end. I’ll miss visiting her and running errands with her. I’ll miss the way she made me feel valued whenever we talked or spent time together. I’ll miss that she won’t be my kids’ Grandma any longer.
I’m grateful that she gave us all good memories and a wonderful legacy. She was a grand example of a beautiful person who loved and cared for her family and friends. She loved and cared for her husband for 65 years and after he passed away, she couldn’t bear living without him. She went on ahead of us to join her Lord and her husband – and we can look forward to joining her in heaven some day. I love you, Mother!
What quality in your mother's life would you want to emulate?
Last Wednesday we laid her to rest; she is now with her husband, who left us last November. It was hard losing him, but even harder losing her. Did I think she was invincible? Did I think she would always be here? Did I think she would never leave us?
This is Mother’s Day. My own mother passed away eleven years ago in the spring; my mother-in-law passed away a week ago. She was more like a mother than a mother-in-law! I loved that about her – she accepted me into her family and never let go.
There are many adjectives I can think of to describe her: independent, strong, humble, unassuming, compassionate, caring, thoughtful, grateful, organized, efficient, loving, giving, patient, reserved, gentle, positive, devoted, generous, competent, not wasteful, resourceful, practical, self-sacrificing and full of faith in Jesus, her Saviour.
As I think about her this morning, I think about the qualities in her life I would like to emulate. One thing she never (or seldom) did was criticize others. She did not offer advice unless we asked for it. She let us live our lives and supported us, without criticism. She was wonderful about accepting people and not passing judgement. What a rare quality! She never stopped loving, even when we did things that did not line up with her values.
Seldom did anyone hear her complain about anything. I’m sure she had lots to complain about from time to time, but we never heard negative words. She was great about accepting circumstances and rising above them.
I think the quality that stands out for me was her unselfish attitude. She put the needs of others ahead herself. It was most evident in the last few years when Dad’s health was failing. They shared a room in a Seniors’ Manor and he could always depend on her to be there for him. There were many times when she deprived herself from participating in activities, events or outings because she would not leave him behind, even though he would have been in good hands at the home. I doubt if there was a selfish bone in her body!
What am I going to miss? Our telephone conversations ~ her cards ~ her notes written on the back of placemats ~ the envelopes that contained news articles she thought might interest me. (We lived a few thousand miles apart.) I’ll miss dialling the phone and her voice on the other end. I’ll miss visiting her and running errands with her. I’ll miss the way she made me feel valued whenever we talked or spent time together. I’ll miss that she won’t be my kids’ Grandma any longer.
I’m grateful that she gave us all good memories and a wonderful legacy. She was a grand example of a beautiful person who loved and cared for her family and friends. She loved and cared for her husband for 65 years and after he passed away, she couldn’t bear living without him. She went on ahead of us to join her Lord and her husband – and we can look forward to joining her in heaven some day. I love you, Mother!
What quality in your mother's life would you want to emulate?
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