Less Stress in the Holiday Season!

Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life.

Why is it that we look forward to Christmas and all the glitz and glitter that goes along with it – and then we get stressed out?
For me, I always tried to do too much. I love being busy, and lots of things motivate me, which means I sign up or volunteer for things without thinking about whether I have time or if it will add too much to my load. A really good friend who’s only known me for a few years told me “I see that’s a pattern you have.” She’s absolutely correct! I’m sure my friends get tired of hearing me lament about how busy I am.

In trying to change this pattern, which I’ve done successfully once or twice, I really looked at priorities in my life. Like the time when my family was young. At Christmas time, I always made tons of cookies, squares, sugar cookies, nuts and bolts, caramel corn, butter tarts and mince meat tarts. That’s what my mother always did and I carried on the ‘tradition’. The result was that I ran myself ragged, and after Christmas we kept on eating the goodies for weeks, until we grew tired of them! One year a light came on! “Why am I doing this? Who really cares?” That year I decided to assess what the most popular items were and only make those. It made my life much easier, and no one complained about not having all those cookies and squares.
The best thing you can ask yourself when doing anything is “Why?” It’s a great question! Consider this:

     • Why am I doing this?

     • Why is this important?

     • Does it add value?

Try these few suggestions for lessening your stress this holiday season. You’ll find you will enjoy your friends and family more, feel better about yourself and even find some ‘me time’.


Think before doing!

When you are thinking about an activity, ask yourself these questions:

• What are you doing?

• Who are you doing it for?

• Why are you doing it?

• Is it worth it?

• What outcome do I want to experience?

If after answering the questions, you still think the activity is important and worthwhile, go ahead. You’ll know the ‘why’.


It doesn’t have to be perfect!

Aiming for perfection does not serve you well. It only adds stress and wastes time. Make up your mind ahead of time that you will do a good job, but it doesn’t have to be perfect. When it comes right down to it, no one else cares – they would rather just have you!

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. ~Harriet Braiker

Break a tradition!

Just because you’ve done it for years and years doesn’t mean it needs to continue. Please do not lose sleep over something that is creating stress. Get the family to help you and ask the important questions. They might just have another (possibly better) idea!

You’ve probably heard this story:
A young couple got married. The new bride bought a ham, cut the ends off it, and placed it into the roasting pan. Her husband asked why she cut the ends off. Her response was because that was what her mother had done. When she asked her mother why she always cut the ends off the ham before she put it into the roasting pan, she said that’s what her mother had done. So she called her mother and asked for the reason. Are you ready? “Because my roasting pan was too small.”
This season, take a good look at your traditions and decide whether you want to continue them – and why!

I hope these next two and a half weeks will be enjoyable for you, and less stressful. Take some time for yourself.

OVERWHELMED NO MORE

I am offering a fun and interactive workshop designed to help you know what to do when you feel overwhelmed.

 

You will learn what is really important to you - what matters most.

I'll help you figure out how you can find ways to spend more time on what is important and less time on what is overwhelming you.

You'll learn tips and tricks on what not to do and what to do more of.

The real value of this workshop will be what happens after you leave.

In my workshops I involve the participants and engage them by using coaching techniques and exercises.

I'll give you tips and tools you can take away with you.

Money back guarantee if you don't take away tons of value!

 

Saturday, November 12

10:15 - 12:00

Coffee at 10:05

Nose Hill Library

1530 Northmount Dr. NW

Calgary

$25.

Pre-registration required

before Thursday, November 10

Register by email or phone:

bettygood@shaw.ca

403-774-8697

WHY ME?

When you dance, the whole universe dances.

- Rumi

Why me? Why you?

...because I am important! ...because you are important!

When you’re on the plane, you’re always told that in case of an emergency you are to put your own oxygen mask on before your child’s. Make sure you are in a position to be able to help your child – or someone else.


As women, we seem to have an innate sense of wanting to be there for others, help them and support them. The reality is that we cannot do that unless we first are there for ourselves and make sure we are healthy and strong in every way. (Notice I’m including myself?)


Not enough time?


As I was thinking about this topic - taking time for ourselves, I felt like a hypocrite! I have been so busy lately that I haven’t taken my own medicine! I’m reminded of last Wednesday when I went for a haircut. The salon is small and intimate. My hair stylist was not finished with her client and offered me fresh coffee. I poured myself one, sat down, picked up a magazine and looked at it while enjoying the soft music playing in the background. It felt sooooooooooo good. Wow – my emotions surprised me. This was a wee bit of ‘me time’. Probably not ideal, but a pleasant unexpected surprise.


After being pampered with a hair wash and cut and getting my brows waxed, I felt really good as I walked to my car. I felt energized and relaxed at the same time. I was no longer in a hurry to get back to my ‘list’. It felt really good!


I was planning to write a dissertation on the value of giving yourself some ‘me time’ and espouse the notions behind the theory. Instead, I want to encourage you to take five minutes (more if possible) and experiment for yourself. Do something just for you! Then become aware of how it makes you feel, the impact it has on you.


I know it’s a tall order for a five minute experiment – but go ahead – try it. Let me know how it goes!

Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.

~Keri Russell

VALUES

There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.

~Freya Stark

Last time I talked about what is important – how did you do using the Prioritization Chart? This time, I’d like to tweak the question a bit, changing the meaning.

 

What is important to YOU?

In the big scheme of life, what is really important to you? At the end of your life, what do you want to be remembered for? If you’ve never thought about this question, it may take you awhile to come up with an answer.

 Think about a good friend. What is it that you like about him/her? Write down three qualities about that person that are important to you. Why are those qualities important? Could it be that those are qualities that you yourself have, and you value them?

 Imagine you are listening in at your funeral (a little morbid, I know, but just play along with me). Various family members and friends are giving tributes to you – what are they saying?

 What traits or values describe you? Which ones do you identify with the most? Which ones do you want people to remember after they’ve been with you? Hopefully you’ll have a list of three or four values.

 Now, think about your daily activities – the things you have on your ‘to do’ list. As you think about your list, determine if what’s on there lines up with your values. If you are asked to do something, or you choose to do something that doesn’t line up with your values, you might begin to feel overwhelmed.

 Listen to your body. The anxiety you’re feeling has a positive intention for you. If you feel anxiety, knots, tension – whatever your experience is, your body is telling you to line up your actions with your values.

 When you live according to your values, decisions about your daily activities are easier to make. If an activity or behaviour does not line up with what’s really important to you, it will be easier to move on to something that IS important. ...something that does line up with your values.

 In my coaching practice I often use an exercise that helps clients discover their core value, and they take away a tool that they can use to line up their actions with their core value.

 What values do you live by?

 Please share things that have worked for you to stay true to your values. Let us know what your top values are. What small change can you make today to help you feel less overwhelmed and live according to your values?

 

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.

~Roy Disney

WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT?

If you continually ask yourself, "What's important now?" you won't waste time on the trivial.

–Lou Holtz

Last week I told you about the advice my sister and mother-in-law gave me when I had a lot of responsibilities and was feeling overwhelmed.

I’d like to continue exploring the feeling of being overwhelmed because it is very prevalent in our society today. Every day I hear people, especially women, say that they are overwhelmed. What is overwhelming us?

Please take a minute and think about what is important. If you know what is important, it will help you to make better choices about how you will spend your time. Personally, I find it way too easy to waste my time, especially on the computer, and before I know it a few hours have passed.

So, when you are faced with a busy day, ask yourself,

• What’s the most important think I have to do today?

• What is the best use of my time now?

• What absolutely needs to be done by the end of the day?

Once you’ve answered those questions, do those things and you will end the day with a sense of accomplishment. By determining what’s important to you, it helps to decide the steps to take.
Here is an exercise many people have great success with. You might want to try it.

1. Make a list of things you need to do.

2. Download the Prioritization Chart. (If you didn't receive it with your blog update, email me and I'll send it to you)

3. Look at the first thing on your list and put it in one of the quadrants in the chart above. Ask yourself:

a. Is this important? If so, how urgent is it?

b. If it isn’t important – how urgent is it?

4. Put every item on your ‘to do’ list into one of the quadrants.

5. Now, study your completed diagram.

6. Focus on the two areas on the right: Important & Not Urgent and Important & Urgent

7. Decide what in those two areas you want to complete first – which is the most important?

8. When you’re done, cross it off and give yourself a high five. Take a few minutes to reward yourself.

9. Work your way through your list and remember that it is important to reward yourself each time you cross off something. Own that feeling of satisfaction.

It will take a bit of time the first time you use this tool, but it will be well worth it. I hope this tool will help you so you can have more peace in your day, less stress and forget about feeling overwhelmed.

Next week, I’ll help you to explore your values and show you how knowing those will impact your life in a surprising way!

Please leave your comments about how using the tool helped you. Please leave your questions as well. Someone may have an answer.

It is not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, 'What are we busy about?’ ~Henry David Thoreau

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials. Lin Yu Tang

FEELING OVERWHELMED???

Are you feeling overwhelmed? I know the feeling well! Let me share with you something that my sister told with me years ago that really helped me.


It was many years ago when my three children were very young and needed a lot of care. We lived in a big house with a big yard and a big garden. (Everything was BIG) My husband worked and did not have time to help me, so the responsibilities of the house, the yard, the garden and the kids fell to me. We did not have the finances to hire someone to help me.


Did I feel overwhelmed? That is an understatement!


I hated having a messy house, a cluttered kitchen, unmade beds, piles of laundry, a big lawn to mow, flower beds with weeds, an all-consuming garden and little time for the kids!!!!!!


Some days, after I put the kids down for their naps, I was so overwhelmed with everything that I just lay down on the couch and had a nap myself. That didn’t help because when I woke up it was back to ‘overwhelm’ and then I felt guilty for not taking advantage of the time when the kids were napping to get some work done. I would often stay up until after midnight just to catch up a bit after the kids were in bed.


One summer afternoon, my much older and wiser sister dropped by for a visit. While we were walking around the yard, she heard me lamenting about how much there was to do and how overwhelmed I was feeling. In her wisdom she gave me some clever advice. She suggested that I just focus on one flower bed that day, and not even think about the rest of the yard. That seemed to work: I could think about just one flower bed and weed that one that day, and not think about the rest of the yard and get overwhelmed. That gave me a feeling of accomplishment.


I had a similar experience the summer my third child was born. She was born at the end of May, the same summer that my father was dying. I was recovering from my C-section as well as trying to meet all the responsibilities listed above. On top of that, the children (three ages 5 and under) and I went to visit my father every other day. The visit to the hospital took all afternoon, including a one-hour car ride each way. Needless to say, the house got neglected! My father died at the end of September and after that my mother-in-law gave me some great advice. I must have been complaining about the amount of work I needed to do to get the house back in shape and her recommendation was to tackle one room a month! Wow – one room a month? It turned out to be very good advice because it was totally manageable and took away the guilt of having to have my house in great shape asap. What a relief. I could lower the expectations I had for myself and stop the feeling of being overwhelmed. What a gift!


Now it’s your turn:

• Are you feeling overwhelmed?

• What is one thing you can focus on today?

• How can you break down a big job into smaller, more manageable chunks?

• Where can you lower your expectations?

• What can you stop feeling guilty about?

Since overwhelm is a word I’m hearing over and over again, over the next few weeks I’m going to continue blogging about what you can do to help you to balance your life and feel more satisfaction. Feeling overwhelmed does not serve us well.

Stay tuned – please leave a comment with your suggestions so others can benefit from your wisdom.

PERCEPTION IS REALITY ~ OR IS IT?

Things are not always as they seem – or are they? 

I once had a neighbour who would not say hello to me unless I spoke to her first. I thought she was a snob! When I got to know her, it turned out that she was shy! (Did I feel foolish?!?)

Did I learn my lesson? Of course not! I continued to think that others were not friendly or didn’t like me if they didn’t say hi or smile at me when we passed each other on the sidewalk. Thankfully I’ve learned a lot about myself – and others – since then. I realize that I am a very outgoing and friendly person who wants to say hi to everyone I meet. I think we should all be friends. What I have learned is that other personalities might not want to say hi to people they don’t know, and they don’t necessarily want to be my friend. Now I can actually stand in the elevator in my building and not feel like I have to make conversation with the person who’s looking at his shoes, or the woman who’s reading her text messages. I’m okay with giving them their space and not feel like they are rejecting me. My perception has changed. It’s a good thing, or I would be feeling rejected a lot, or judging others for being snooty or unfriendly, when in reality they’re not!

That is a simple example. But the way we perceive situations can have some serious repercussions if we aren’t open to finding the truth in the matter. For example, a woman I know hated it when her husband became defensive. She thought he was being arrogant. In fact, it became a huge issue in their marriage until they finally had a serious talk about it, and she found out that his defensiveness was a cover-up for the anxiety he was experiencing. Their discussion led them to the root of the problem and changed the way they relate to each other.

Perception – it really is our reality, but that doesn’t mean it’s the truth. I’m sure you can think of plenty of examples of your own.

Most often it’s the wrong perception in a situation that is the problem. Years ago, I heard someone say,
“Be a fact finder, not a fault finder.” What good advice.

The next time you are critical of someone, check your perception. Ask yourself why you think the way you do. Perhaps you are assuming something. Assumptions are not always accurate and they are based on your perception. Keep asking questions to help you discover the truth of the situation. If necessary, you may have to talk to the other person to get the facts straight. After all of that, you will have the information you need to decide if your perception was accurate and you can determine your reality. Hopefully it will be a good result.

Wow – I just thought of another way people distort their perception in order to avoid an unpleasant truth. Maybe it’s too difficult to face the truth, so they look for something positive to create a false reality. That is not good – that sounds like a topic for another post. Anyone want to tackle that one?
Think of a situation in your life where you might be a bit critical of another person. How do you perceive their actions and their behaviour? Are you jumping to conclusions? Are you making assumptions? Is your perception your reality? Is it the truth?

Go ahead – be a fact finder. Get the truth – it could change your reality! It could change your life!

WISDOM FROM OPRAH

Such an inspirational and motivational women ~ Oprah! As I watched Oprah’s last show, I was impressed at the huge difference she has made in individuals around the world. What impressed me more is that she is so “real”.
I grabbed my journal and here are the notes I took – hope they inspire and motivate YOU!

• “This is what I was called to do.”
• Your calling lights you up and lets you know you’re doing exactly what you’re meant to do.
• What sparks the life in you?
• Each of us has our own platform.
• Every day we let our life speak for us. We have the power to change someone’s life.
• Use your passion to serve others.
• Nobody but you is responsible for your life.
• You’re responsible for the energy you create for yourself and the energy you bring to others.
• “Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”
• There’s a common thread that runs through all our pain – the feeling of unworthiness.
• We block our own blessings because we don’t feel worthy enough.
• Me being alive makes worthiness my birthright.
• We all want validation.
o “Do you see me?”
o “Do you hear me?”
o “Does what I say mean anything to you?”
• Validate others: “What you say matters to me.”
• Her 4th grade teacher made her feel like she mattered.
• What are the whispers in your life?
• What is speaking to you and will you hear it?
• “I hope you will be a safe harbour for someone else.”
• “Gratitude is the single greatest treasure I will take away from this experience.”
• “To God be the Glory!”

FEAR OF FAILURE

A group of grade 12 students discovered their strengths and learned more about themselves last week. They had each done the Leading From Your Strengths personality assessment ahead of time and brought the report to my workshop.

At the beginning I had them partner up and describe their ‘idea life’ ten years from now. They also identified the challenges they would be facing to get there. Near the end of the workshop, I offered to do a laser coaching session with one of the students to show them some tools to help them overcome their challenges.

What I expected was a simple challenge – what I got was something quite different! What I expected was a female student to volunteer – what I got was a male student!

When asked about his challenge, his answer was “Fear of failure.” Wow! He really took me by surprise! I looked at the clock and realized I had exactly seven minutes for this ‘laser session’ and the challenge was a huge one! What to do? Normally I feel quite confident coaching in front of a group, but this one threw me a little.

I wondered how a grade 12 student could know himself so well to realize that he was afraid of failure – most adults cannot even identify their fears! I also wondered what kind of difference I could make in seven minutes to help him start to conquer this huge problem.

By the end of the brief session, with the others watching, he had opened himself up completely. We discovered that a soccer coach had said something to him ten years ago (when he was seven or eight years old) that was definitely not encouraging. It had the opposite effect on him. He didn’t tell us the words, but we understood the message – that he was a failure! Empathy filled the room.

He also told us about some tools he had developed to help him, and how he wasn’t allowing his fear to paralyze him. But he was concerned about how it would affect him in his future. We finished the session with more ideas, and he took me up on my offer of a free follow-up coaching session.

I was totally impressed with this young man for a number of reasons. He wasn’t afraid to share his story with his peers; he became vulnerable. He had developed some tools to help him with his fear; he wasn’t going to allow it to control him. He was willing to ask for help – that in itself is significant! How many adults find it hard to ask for help?

Among other emotions, I experienced anger – not at this student, but with his coach from ten years ago!!! I thought about the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility he had to influence the young lives on his team, and he abused them. I thought about the way he destroyed the trust this young boy had in him and how it is still haunting him ten years later. I get very angry when I think about how some adults mistreat children in their sphere of influence! I could go on a rant about that, but I won’t. I’m sure you would agree with me. After all these years, at times I personally still struggle with my self-esteem and self-confidence because of the way I was treated growing up. But that’s another story...

I would encourage each of you who are reading this to be a positive influence in the lives of those around you. We can hear one negative comment and never forget it. But the positive ones are too often forgotten. I heard it said that is takes 21 positive comments to negate a negative one, but I believe that some of the negative things hurled at us are never forgotten! Let’s offer positive and encouraging remarks! Let’s make a positive difference in the lives of others – especially children.

Please leave a comment to tell how a positive comment from someone has impacted you!

MOVE THE BUS!!!

We were stuck on the bus with nowhere to go!

The last week of March I had the privilege to go to Las Vegas and share my friend's timeshare resort with her. Since I've been battling sinus problems and a lack of energy, this was just what the doctor ordered - rest in some warm weather.

I love watching people; I could do that all day and not tire of it. There was no lack of people-watching opportunities there. One incident had my friend and me talking for a few days, and I'm still thinking about it.

Because the resort was on the outskirts of the city, after we’d been to the city we had to transfer buses at the south terminal and then hop on a local bus to our resort. One evening around 9:30, we got to the terminal and had to wait for quite awhile for the next bus. A few of us gathered around to wait. Some people knew each other (there were only four tourists on this bus) and chatted. They included the rest of us and we were all having a good time joking around and bantering back and forth. This continued on the bus until the bus stopped suddenly due to a collision up ahead. The emergency vehicles raced past us; our bus driver pulled onto the shoulder and called his supervisor, which was policy in this situation.

The bantering continued as everyone was in a good mood for a few minutes. One person joked that she might be late for work; another was worried about playing bingo; another was concerned that her transfer was going to expire. My friend and I just sat and listened to the others, smiling at their antics, until without warning, they weren’t funny anymore.

As the traffic started moving along the detour on the shoulder up ahead, our bus didn’t budge. Another bus even drove past us! That’s when the ‘amiable’ passengers who’d kept us entertained actually started to get scary. They hollered – shouted – at the bus driver to get moving. He ignored them. A few more joined in until finally one of the passengers actually asked him if we weren’t going to go, to which the driver responded, “I don’t want to lose my job.” Another passenger asked if he would give extend her transfer and his response was, “You can ask the supervisor when he shows up.”

None of this was satisfactory and no one understood why our bus wasn’t moving when the traffic wasn’t a problem anymore. Then the passengers got rather abusive and hurled insults and sarcasm about the driver. They told stories about how it was the worst transit company, how the buses were always late, they couldn’t depend on them, the drivers didn’t care, etc. etc. etc.

Being a Life Coach, I racked my brain to think of how I could turn this into something positive. My friend and I looked at each other, wondering if there was anything we could do. We tried telling them about the good experiences we had with the bus system – only to be quickly shouted down with their negative experiences. That shut us up fast!

When the supervisor finally arrived, he curtly told the passenger that her transfer could not be extended. That was great – another person who didn’t care! He led the bus through the detour and my friend and I were grateful to get off shortly after that. After we got off, my friend made a comment: “crowd mentality”. We decided that if the supervisor hadn’t arrived when he did, the situation could have gotten ugly. Needless to say, it got very uncomfortable.

The next day, as I was mulling over what happened, I thought about how the driver could have diffused the situation with a simple explanation; this would have helped us all understand his behaviour. Instead, the perception was that he was incompetent, or a coward, or ...who knows what? I recalled that one of the passengers often said, “I don’t understand.”

Human nature is a scary thing! Everything can be going along smoothly with everyone enjoying themselves – and then something goes wrong, we don’t understand what is happening, and all hell breaks loose. Why? ...just because we don’t understand!!!

On the bus, the passengers did not understand and their opinion was that the bus driver didn’t care enough about them to offer an explanation. I wonder how the bus driver felt when he heard the abusive comments made about him. From my experience using personality assessments in my coaching practice, I concluded that the bus driver didn’t have the natural strengths needed to relate with the people he encountered on a daily basis. I also questioned the training he may have received – did it include strategies to diffuse difficult situations?

All in all, it was a very interesting experience and my friend and I were relieved to get off that bus. The people we liked when we first met them at the bus stop became people we were actually nervous about being around. They were stressed and behaved impulsively.

Makes me consider my own behaviour when I don’t understand something which causes stress in my life! How do I react? How am I perceived by others?

How about you – how are you perceived when you are in a stressful situation?

DISASTER in JAPAN

The disaster in Japan has been on my mind ever since last Friday morning. I woke up to the phone ringing – my daughter telling me about the earthquake. She and I both used to live in Japan and now she and her Japanese husband live in Calgary.

As I heard the news, I ran and turned on the TV. I also checked Facebook frequently throughout the day to keep up with people I know in Japan. Even though I lived south of Nagoya, I know three people who live in or near Tokyo. And one of my former students has family in Saitama. Naturally I was concerned about them. I have heard from all of them and they are safe.

One of them told me that she had to stay in her office in Tokyo until midnight that day because there were no trains and no cell phone coverage. They were told to stay where they were. Since then she’s told me that when she goes shopping for food, the shelves are empty. You’ve probably seen that on the news – people are stocking up in case they are affected by a quake in their area.

In September of 2005 I experienced a 6.8 earthquake. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was living with a Japanese family in a condo on the 10th floor of a high-rise. Around 11 p.m. I was sitting at the dining room table when I started to feel some shaking. I hollered to Hatsumi who was brushing her teeth and hadn’t noticed yet. She yelled at Aki and we all dove under the table. Aki managed to grab their six-year old. I asked about the twins, but they were in the bottom of a bunk bed so they would be safe. As we sat under the table hanging onto each other, the building began to sway. I have never been so scared in my life! I’ve never felt so helpless! I wondered what would happen. After what seemed like forever (perhaps 45 seconds), the swaying stopped. I was amazed that no furniture had fallen over – just some things had fallen off shelves.

The next week in my conversation classes, guess what the topic was! It was interesting to hear about everyone’s experience on Sunday evening. That week, people promptly went shopping to prepare their emergency kits, in case it happened again. (Isn’t that what we do – after the computer crashes, we want to back up?) There were aftershocks, and by Wednesday I was no longer afraid. I remember one evening when we got an aftershock, I stood by the balcony doors because I wanted to watch the other buildings sway – but it didn’t get to that point.

What is my point in this story? I’m not sure I have one. I just wanted to talk about it. I am tied to Japan and forever will be. I’m saddened by the tragedies they are facing. One thing I’ve noticed when watching the news is that people there are hugging each other. They are a people who don’t touch each other – especially in public! They don’t shake hands, they bow. When meeting each other after a time apart, they wave or bow. One time I was at the airport waiting to pick up my daughter; I watched as a mother waited for the return of her daughter. When the daughter arrived with her suitcase in tow, the mother was so elated to see her she burst into tears, and then touched the suitcase as they walked away. It is nice to see that some of them feel free to display their love for each other now, after such a devastating disaster.

Another interesting observation: news reporters are commenting on the calmness and orderliness of the people there, despite the panic. The philosophy of the Japanese people, which is taught in to children at an early age, is that society comes first. They are taught to think of others. (How refreshing is that!) Is that why we see people risking their lives? Is that why there is no looting? Is that why no one got trampled as they left the buildings?

Enough of my ramblings. I wonder what observations you have made this last week. What are you learning about yourself? I’ve been extra thankful that I live in Calgary, and when I start to complain about the snow and the cold, I remind myself that they are not life-threatening and we really have nothing to complain or worry about. I am thankful. ...and I continually pray for Japan and the people who are affected – and that is every single person living there.

What are your thoughts when you watch the news?

DECISIONS VS NON-DECISIONS

Indecision becomes decision with time. ~Author Unknown

Last Saturday I was helping a group of women to create a compelling future for themselves. A comment one of the women made really had an impact on me. It shouldn’t have, but sometimes we have moments when we hear things that we’ve heard or experienced before, and it’s like hearing it for the first time!

I asked the women to think back to what their lives were like five years ago. Then I posed the following: Notice what decisions you made five years ago that contributed to where you are now. As some of them shared, one woman told the group that because of her ‘non-decisions’ five years ago, she was at the exact same spot in life she was back then.

I’ve thought about her statement a lot since then. I thought about the ‘non-decisions’ I’ve made in the past that kept me from moving forward. I loved the way she said ‘non-decisions’. When we don’t make a decision, we’re actually making one – and it’s not always positive!

When I think back to five years ago, I was in a huge transition in my life, and I made some good decisions. Two years later I was thoroughly enjoying my life when suddenly someone else made a huge decision that impacted my future tremendously. It was time to make more decisions. I struggled with the next step. I’d dreamed about owning my own business for years, and here was my opportunity, but was I ready to make a big decision like that? It would have been easy to just let life happen at that time, but a lesson I have learned is that it’s important to make decisions, even if they’re wrong ones.

We cannot change the past, but we can have an impact on our future. So I decided to take a course to become a Professional Life Coach and start following a dream I’ve had for a long time but never went anywhere because of ‘non-decisions’.

Don’t allow ‘non-decisions’ to happen in your life.

What was your life like five years ago? What decisions did you make then that contributed to where you are now?

Now, create an image of your life five years from now! What decisions are you going to make today that will contribute to where you’re going to be then?

The women at the retreat all created a compelling future, along with decisions, goals and action steps. Will they stay focused to make those changes happen? They might need some help along the way. They each went away with an accountability partner and the promise of a follow-up coaching session with me. Some of them will have changed lives because of decisions made. Others will let ‘non-decisions’ take over their lives and five years from now will be no different.

I am thankful for the woman who impacted me with her statement about ‘non-decisions’. I’m looking forward to our coaching session to see how she’s doing!

Carlissa, a grade 12 student who attended the retreat with her friend, wrote: “I am more determined after today to complete goals I set. I am more sure that I can accomplish anything I want.” What a great foundation for her future!

Please leave a comment and tell us about your decisions – what is your life going to be like five years from now?

GET HAPPY

Gretchen Rubin started a Happiness Project a few years ago. She’s even written a book about it. I read about it in our local Metro yesterday. She had a theme for every month.

Her January theme was Boost Energy, Vitality
This is what she had to say: “The key thing here is that outer order contributes to inner calm. Consider clutter and organizing. It matters. A messy closet doesn’t matter, but it does. You get a disproportionate boost from it. You can self-medicate through cleaning closets.”

My daughter told me that her goal for this year is “use it or lose it”. In other words, if she isn’t using it, she’s going to get rid of it – get it out of her home. I get it – if I have too much stuff around that I’m not using, it clutters up my space and my mind. When I de-clutter, I feel free. I’m not spending as much time on rearranging, cleaning, dusting, storing and maintaining it. It frees up valuable space and time that can be used for other things.

The same goes for my closet. When I have too many clothes in my closet (and who doesn’t?), it takes longer to decide what to wear. After I’ve reorganized my closet and gotten rid of the things I never or seldom wear, it really does give me a boost of energy. Energy to go shopping to buy things that I actually WILL wear, ...I think :)

How do you feel after you’ve tidied up an area, cleaned up the kitchen, washed your car, organized your closet? How do you feel when you have outer order?

What will it take to de-clutter your home, your desk your closet, your kitchen, your mind? What will it take to give you inner calm? What will it take for you to ‘get happy’?

Please leave a comment and tell us how you plan to boost your energy and vitality this month.

LOOKING AHEAD

For Christmas I received two prints for my office wall – one from each of my daughters. One says, “Keep Calm and Carry On” and the other one, “Live What You Love”. They are both red! I love red – I think it’s my favourite colour – it’s so vibrant and full of energy and life!
A friend came for lunch last Friday and gave me two little books and a Jim Rohn sampler CD. I couldn’t have been more excited! The books are: SUCCESS – Quotes for Achievers and The Treasury of Quotes, both by Jim Rohn. When I told her that I heard Jim Rohn speak in person, she couldn’t believe it! She is an obvious fan of his. (http://www.jimrohn.com/)

It didn’t take me long to read through the booklets – so motivational.

On one of the pages, this quote caught my attention:
With the beginning of a new year, it’s a good time to really think about that quote. Am I going to leave my future in someone else’s hands, or am I going to make plans for a future that I want?

Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.

We’ve all heard this proverb:

Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, while others wonder what has happened.

What are your goals for 2011? What do you want to celebrate at the end of this year?

I have a list of questions which will help me reflect on 2010, and think about the year ahead. I received them from another coach and am looking forward to taking some time today to reflect, set goals and plan for my future. If you email me (bettygood@shaw.ca) I’ll send you a copy. (I couldn’t figure out a way to attach them to my blog post.)

I wish for you a wonderful and happy New Year!

Please feel free to share your goals and reflections with me and others by leaving a comment.


What are my goals for 2011? What do I want to celebrate at the end of this year?