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Less Stress in the Holiday Season!

Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life.

Why is it that we look forward to Christmas and all the glitz and glitter that goes along with it – and then we get stressed out?
For me, I always tried to do too much. I love being busy, and lots of things motivate me, which means I sign up or volunteer for things without thinking about whether I have time or if it will add too much to my load. A really good friend who’s only known me for a few years told me “I see that’s a pattern you have.” She’s absolutely correct! I’m sure my friends get tired of hearing me lament about how busy I am.

In trying to change this pattern, which I’ve done successfully once or twice, I really looked at priorities in my life. Like the time when my family was young. At Christmas time, I always made tons of cookies, squares, sugar cookies, nuts and bolts, caramel corn, butter tarts and mince meat tarts. That’s what my mother always did and I carried on the ‘tradition’. The result was that I ran myself ragged, and after Christmas we kept on eating the goodies for weeks, until we grew tired of them! One year a light came on! “Why am I doing this? Who really cares?” That year I decided to assess what the most popular items were and only make those. It made my life much easier, and no one complained about not having all those cookies and squares.
The best thing you can ask yourself when doing anything is “Why?” It’s a great question! Consider this:

     • Why am I doing this?

     • Why is this important?

     • Does it add value?

Try these few suggestions for lessening your stress this holiday season. You’ll find you will enjoy your friends and family more, feel better about yourself and even find some ‘me time’.


Think before doing!

When you are thinking about an activity, ask yourself these questions:

• What are you doing?

• Who are you doing it for?

• Why are you doing it?

• Is it worth it?

• What outcome do I want to experience?

If after answering the questions, you still think the activity is important and worthwhile, go ahead. You’ll know the ‘why’.


It doesn’t have to be perfect!

Aiming for perfection does not serve you well. It only adds stress and wastes time. Make up your mind ahead of time that you will do a good job, but it doesn’t have to be perfect. When it comes right down to it, no one else cares – they would rather just have you!

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. ~Harriet Braiker

Break a tradition!

Just because you’ve done it for years and years doesn’t mean it needs to continue. Please do not lose sleep over something that is creating stress. Get the family to help you and ask the important questions. They might just have another (possibly better) idea!

You’ve probably heard this story:
A young couple got married. The new bride bought a ham, cut the ends off it, and placed it into the roasting pan. Her husband asked why she cut the ends off. Her response was because that was what her mother had done. When she asked her mother why she always cut the ends off the ham before she put it into the roasting pan, she said that’s what her mother had done. So she called her mother and asked for the reason. Are you ready? “Because my roasting pan was too small.”
This season, take a good look at your traditions and decide whether you want to continue them – and why!

I hope these next two and a half weeks will be enjoyable for you, and less stressful. Take some time for yourself.

OVERWHELMED NO MORE

I am offering a fun and interactive workshop designed to help you know what to do when you feel overwhelmed.

 

You will learn what is really important to you - what matters most.

I'll help you figure out how you can find ways to spend more time on what is important and less time on what is overwhelming you.

You'll learn tips and tricks on what not to do and what to do more of.

The real value of this workshop will be what happens after you leave.

In my workshops I involve the participants and engage them by using coaching techniques and exercises.

I'll give you tips and tools you can take away with you.

Money back guarantee if you don't take away tons of value!

 

Saturday, November 12

10:15 - 12:00

Coffee at 10:05

Nose Hill Library

1530 Northmount Dr. NW

Calgary

$25.

Pre-registration required

before Thursday, November 10

Register by email or phone:

bettygood@shaw.ca

403-774-8697

WHY ME?

When you dance, the whole universe dances.

- Rumi

Why me? Why you?

...because I am important! ...because you are important!

When you’re on the plane, you’re always told that in case of an emergency you are to put your own oxygen mask on before your child’s. Make sure you are in a position to be able to help your child – or someone else.


As women, we seem to have an innate sense of wanting to be there for others, help them and support them. The reality is that we cannot do that unless we first are there for ourselves and make sure we are healthy and strong in every way. (Notice I’m including myself?)


Not enough time?


As I was thinking about this topic - taking time for ourselves, I felt like a hypocrite! I have been so busy lately that I haven’t taken my own medicine! I’m reminded of last Wednesday when I went for a haircut. The salon is small and intimate. My hair stylist was not finished with her client and offered me fresh coffee. I poured myself one, sat down, picked up a magazine and looked at it while enjoying the soft music playing in the background. It felt sooooooooooo good. Wow – my emotions surprised me. This was a wee bit of ‘me time’. Probably not ideal, but a pleasant unexpected surprise.


After being pampered with a hair wash and cut and getting my brows waxed, I felt really good as I walked to my car. I felt energized and relaxed at the same time. I was no longer in a hurry to get back to my ‘list’. It felt really good!


I was planning to write a dissertation on the value of giving yourself some ‘me time’ and espouse the notions behind the theory. Instead, I want to encourage you to take five minutes (more if possible) and experiment for yourself. Do something just for you! Then become aware of how it makes you feel, the impact it has on you.


I know it’s a tall order for a five minute experiment – but go ahead – try it. Let me know how it goes!

Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.

~Keri Russell

VALUES

There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.

~Freya Stark

Last time I talked about what is important – how did you do using the Prioritization Chart? This time, I’d like to tweak the question a bit, changing the meaning.

 

What is important to YOU?

In the big scheme of life, what is really important to you? At the end of your life, what do you want to be remembered for? If you’ve never thought about this question, it may take you awhile to come up with an answer.

 Think about a good friend. What is it that you like about him/her? Write down three qualities about that person that are important to you. Why are those qualities important? Could it be that those are qualities that you yourself have, and you value them?

 Imagine you are listening in at your funeral (a little morbid, I know, but just play along with me). Various family members and friends are giving tributes to you – what are they saying?

 What traits or values describe you? Which ones do you identify with the most? Which ones do you want people to remember after they’ve been with you? Hopefully you’ll have a list of three or four values.

 Now, think about your daily activities – the things you have on your ‘to do’ list. As you think about your list, determine if what’s on there lines up with your values. If you are asked to do something, or you choose to do something that doesn’t line up with your values, you might begin to feel overwhelmed.

 Listen to your body. The anxiety you’re feeling has a positive intention for you. If you feel anxiety, knots, tension – whatever your experience is, your body is telling you to line up your actions with your values.

 When you live according to your values, decisions about your daily activities are easier to make. If an activity or behaviour does not line up with what’s really important to you, it will be easier to move on to something that IS important. ...something that does line up with your values.

 In my coaching practice I often use an exercise that helps clients discover their core value, and they take away a tool that they can use to line up their actions with their core value.

 What values do you live by?

 Please share things that have worked for you to stay true to your values. Let us know what your top values are. What small change can you make today to help you feel less overwhelmed and live according to your values?

 

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.

~Roy Disney

WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT?

If you continually ask yourself, "What's important now?" you won't waste time on the trivial.

–Lou Holtz

Last week I told you about the advice my sister and mother-in-law gave me when I had a lot of responsibilities and was feeling overwhelmed.

I’d like to continue exploring the feeling of being overwhelmed because it is very prevalent in our society today. Every day I hear people, especially women, say that they are overwhelmed. What is overwhelming us?

Please take a minute and think about what is important. If you know what is important, it will help you to make better choices about how you will spend your time. Personally, I find it way too easy to waste my time, especially on the computer, and before I know it a few hours have passed.

So, when you are faced with a busy day, ask yourself,

• What’s the most important think I have to do today?

• What is the best use of my time now?

• What absolutely needs to be done by the end of the day?

Once you’ve answered those questions, do those things and you will end the day with a sense of accomplishment. By determining what’s important to you, it helps to decide the steps to take.
Here is an exercise many people have great success with. You might want to try it.

1. Make a list of things you need to do.

2. Download the Prioritization Chart. (If you didn't receive it with your blog update, email me and I'll send it to you)

3. Look at the first thing on your list and put it in one of the quadrants in the chart above. Ask yourself:

a. Is this important? If so, how urgent is it?

b. If it isn’t important – how urgent is it?

4. Put every item on your ‘to do’ list into one of the quadrants.

5. Now, study your completed diagram.

6. Focus on the two areas on the right: Important & Not Urgent and Important & Urgent

7. Decide what in those two areas you want to complete first – which is the most important?

8. When you’re done, cross it off and give yourself a high five. Take a few minutes to reward yourself.

9. Work your way through your list and remember that it is important to reward yourself each time you cross off something. Own that feeling of satisfaction.

It will take a bit of time the first time you use this tool, but it will be well worth it. I hope this tool will help you so you can have more peace in your day, less stress and forget about feeling overwhelmed.

Next week, I’ll help you to explore your values and show you how knowing those will impact your life in a surprising way!

Please leave your comments about how using the tool helped you. Please leave your questions as well. Someone may have an answer.

It is not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, 'What are we busy about?’ ~Henry David Thoreau

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials. Lin Yu Tang

FEELING OVERWHELMED???

Are you feeling overwhelmed? I know the feeling well! Let me share with you something that my sister told with me years ago that really helped me.


It was many years ago when my three children were very young and needed a lot of care. We lived in a big house with a big yard and a big garden. (Everything was BIG) My husband worked and did not have time to help me, so the responsibilities of the house, the yard, the garden and the kids fell to me. We did not have the finances to hire someone to help me.


Did I feel overwhelmed? That is an understatement!


I hated having a messy house, a cluttered kitchen, unmade beds, piles of laundry, a big lawn to mow, flower beds with weeds, an all-consuming garden and little time for the kids!!!!!!


Some days, after I put the kids down for their naps, I was so overwhelmed with everything that I just lay down on the couch and had a nap myself. That didn’t help because when I woke up it was back to ‘overwhelm’ and then I felt guilty for not taking advantage of the time when the kids were napping to get some work done. I would often stay up until after midnight just to catch up a bit after the kids were in bed.


One summer afternoon, my much older and wiser sister dropped by for a visit. While we were walking around the yard, she heard me lamenting about how much there was to do and how overwhelmed I was feeling. In her wisdom she gave me some clever advice. She suggested that I just focus on one flower bed that day, and not even think about the rest of the yard. That seemed to work: I could think about just one flower bed and weed that one that day, and not think about the rest of the yard and get overwhelmed. That gave me a feeling of accomplishment.


I had a similar experience the summer my third child was born. She was born at the end of May, the same summer that my father was dying. I was recovering from my C-section as well as trying to meet all the responsibilities listed above. On top of that, the children (three ages 5 and under) and I went to visit my father every other day. The visit to the hospital took all afternoon, including a one-hour car ride each way. Needless to say, the house got neglected! My father died at the end of September and after that my mother-in-law gave me some great advice. I must have been complaining about the amount of work I needed to do to get the house back in shape and her recommendation was to tackle one room a month! Wow – one room a month? It turned out to be very good advice because it was totally manageable and took away the guilt of having to have my house in great shape asap. What a relief. I could lower the expectations I had for myself and stop the feeling of being overwhelmed. What a gift!


Now it’s your turn:

• Are you feeling overwhelmed?

• What is one thing you can focus on today?

• How can you break down a big job into smaller, more manageable chunks?

• Where can you lower your expectations?

• What can you stop feeling guilty about?

Since overwhelm is a word I’m hearing over and over again, over the next few weeks I’m going to continue blogging about what you can do to help you to balance your life and feel more satisfaction. Feeling overwhelmed does not serve us well.

Stay tuned – please leave a comment with your suggestions so others can benefit from your wisdom.